Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been a month since my last confession, but the sins are the same. I have a happy marriage, but my darling does everything so slowly these days, it drives me nuts!
I understand that anger comes from fear. We’re senior citizens. We worry about our savings and our living situation. We particularly worry about painful illnesses and dementia. So when one of us starts hurting or gets confused, the other one gets scared and irritable. Plus, I’ve come to depend on my mate to do certain things. I wonder if one of us can handle both our jobs if necessary.
Last time, the substitute priest suggested I get out of the house on my own and spend time with friends. Maybe it would help to take a break from each other. That’s better than tuning out my spouse, which I too often do. Plus, maybe we’d have something new to talk about. What do you think?
I thought my helpmate and I forgave each other for past injuries, but I realize I didn’t forgive and forget. When my partner disappoints me, I remember all the other times I’ve felt let down. The Bible says God throws away our forgiven sins. I guess I’ve got to learn to do that too.
I’ve also got to just accept my lover’s quirks. At this stage, neither of us is going to change much. I will always be more concerned about savings than my other half is. My spouse will always care more about tidiness. My friend says happy marriages depend on carrying a big “Oh Well” bag around. When something bugs you, you say, “Oh well” and shove it in the bag. That’s kind of like forgiveness, right?
I used to just worry about hurting my partner with my words. Now I see that the way we speak is important too. I hate it when my other half sighs or talks in that real patient way as if I were a small child. My spouse does that when I don’t exactly remember how to get someplace. I do it when I’m asked to repeat what I said.
I also notice fatigue creeping into my conversation. If my companion doesn’t understand the point I’m making, I don’t always try again. It just seems like too much trouble. I’ve come to hate hearing my spouse say “never mind” just as much as my mate hates hearing “whatever.” When you’ve been married this long, you can hurt each other so easily.
I don’t know what to say about my prayer life. I do pray morning and night and before meals. We used to pray together, but somehow we got out of the habit. We never miss Sunday Mass, but maybe we need a midweek boost. I guess you can get spiritually lazy as well as physically lazy. I say a rosary every Friday, but I can’t say I do much meditating. My mind wanders. I do usually feel better afterward, though. And, no offense, Father, but I think I’ve heard every sermon topic there is. Is there some reading I could do, something simple with big print?
I guess that’s it. I’m sorry for these and all my sins. So, what’s my penance? “Pray for my spouse, pray for my own sanctification and do something nice for my spouse.” That’s it? “My concerns are signs of God’s sanctifying power at work?” That sounds a lot better than, “You’re must be awfully hard to live with!” I will do as you say. Thank you, Father; thank you, God.
Kathleen welcomes comments. Send them to Kathleen Choi, 1706 Waianuenue Ave., Hilo 96720, or email: kathchoi@hawaii.rr.com.
