My daily prayers include petitions that I’ve been making for years. These aren’t enormous requests like world peace or a cure for cancer. I’m interceding for certain persons beset by illness or situations that never seem to improve. Sometimes praying for them gets really hard, and I’m sorely tempted to quit.
There seems to be no point. God knows how bad things are for these folks. I’ve reminded him over and over. I’ve fiddled with my phrasing and flattered him with praise. I’ve quoted Biblical promises. I’ve pointed out that these good people don’t deserve their suffering. I’ve fasted, offered up my own pains and begged multiple times a day. Worried that my faith isn’t strong enough, I’ve quoted Mark 9:24: “I believe Lord; help my unbelief.” Nothing seems to work. So why bother?
Frustrated, I turn to Scripture. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 20:27: “You duped me, Lord, and I let myself be duped.” If even a prophet can get mad at God, I guess I can too. I know several psalms that ask God, “Why is this happening? Aren’t you listening to me? Don’t you care?” The Bible seems to say that our relationship with God is so intimate that we can fight with him just like we fight with our spouses, siblings or parents. Sometimes I just stand in front of my crucifix and scold God for disappointing me.
I find some comfort in history. Growing up in the Fifties, I remember my Catholic friends praying for the defeat of communism. I recall numerous adults rolling their eyes at the idea that saying the rosary could defeat the second most powerful nation in the world. Yet just 39 years passed between the consecration of Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the fall of the Soviet Union. Imagine what life there might be like today if those skeptics had joined the church in her prayers.
I look at saints like Monica. She was the mother of St. Augustine of Hippo, a giant in Christian theology and a masterful writer. Monica was a Christian, her husband a pagan. She tried to raise her children as Christians. Her son Augustine, however, preferred wine, women and heresy. She prayed for him constantly. When she spoke to one bishop of her concern, the bishop assured her that “the child of those tears shall never perish.” She persisted in prayer for 17 years. Her reward was a son who became not only a Christian but a bishop and a Doctor of the Church. I ask her to add her faith to my petitions.
I also look for evidence that God is doing something — anything — for the people who are my special concern. I’m awed by the pure faith I see in one mother of a chronically ill son. Her prayer is just for daily bread, just the grace to handle today’s challenges. She’s grateful for blessings that I take for granted, like a good night’s sleep or lunch with a friend. I can’t deny that God is strongly present in that house, even if he’s not performing the specific healing that I’m requesting.
I also consider my own life. I see how often God has brought me through crises and eased my burdens. If God is so gracious to me, surely he is equally generous with the people I love. I can’t always know how he is blessing them, but I can trust that blessings are indeed flowing. Recalling all this, I’m able to get back down on my knees and ask yet again, “Father, please …”
Kathleen welcomes comments. Send them to Kathleen Choi, 1706 Waianuenue Ave., Hilo 96720, or email: kathchoi@hawaii.rr.com.
