Advent always feels a little like the end of the semester, when the deadline for the final term paper is looming and the final exam is ahead and you’ve schluffed off on the required reading and the homework, and you start hyperventilating about what it’s going to mean to your GPA.
No matter how many times you’ve been through it, you still hold that childish fancy that despite what you’ve excused yourself from facing and fixing for the past year, you’ll pull yourself together for a brilliant finale.
And to wring the last drop out of this metaphor, you’ll have that shining gift of your A-plus grade, your self-examined soul, to lay before the manger, amid the Magi’s gifts.
It can lead you to wonder how childish can you be? And by you, I mean me.
Newman Center/Holy Spirit Parish offered a fall parish retreat a couple weeks ago and about 30 of us attended to hear Father James Orsini and Maxine Pollock, the founder of the Scrub Bucket Gospel Ministry, lead us in self-analysis and reflections as a lead-up to Advent. Or, as I thought of it, a way to cram for the exam.
Wouldn’t you know, true to his past as St. Anthony School principal and Chaminade University vice president, Father Orsini gave us homework!
He used the familiar imagery from the prophet Isaiah to create a metaphorical “On the Road Again” theme of his own, asking us to slow down to assess our personal potholes.
What perfect spiritual imagery for people whose daily life, on the purely physical plane, entails maneuvering through a landscape of potholes, detours, closed lanes and traffic congestion.
We’ll be hearing from Isaiah in liturgical readings this month and singing his words as we prepare for Christmas: “In the wilderness, prepare the way of the Lord. Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God.
“Every valley shall be lifted up, every mountain and hill made low; the rugged land shall be a plain and the rough country, a broad valley. Then the glory of the Lord shall be revealed.”
Father Orsini told us, “Advent gives us an agenda: slow down, take a look at the road you’re on, assess the condition of your road. We’re good at pointing out the valleys and hills in other people; I don’t like to look at myself too closely.”
Packet of questions
He led us on a stroll down the bumpy road with a packet of questions. In that time-honored tradition of students through the ages, I get to fill in space on this term paper with pertinent stuff from a respectable source! Some Orsini questions:
What are the valleys or potholes in my relationships with others, especially those closest to me? How critical and rough am I in speech, in choice of words or tone of voice? How often do I allow my foul moods to go unchecked and lash out at others?
Do I delight in mocking the defeats or differences of others? Am I willing to listen to gossip and spread it? How often, if ever, do I apologize for my harsh words or deeds?
What are the “hills” or excesses in my life right now? Time spent on the computer or watching TV? Overeating or drinking? Outbursts of extreme anger? Short-fused lack of patience? Critical spirit in thought or word: “I’m OK but you’re not.”
What are the curves that need straightening? How straightforward am I … how honest? How often do I rationalize that “everyone does it” and therefore it’s OK for me, too? How often do I tell myself and others, “I can’t help it, that’s just the way I am. If you love me, you’ll accept me.”
Is my relationship with the Lord a series of bounces and bumps? Is prayer on-again, off-again? What fears do I have, how do I lack confidence in the way my relationship with God is going? Do I blame God for not giving me what I want? Do I need to take more responsibility in being faithful?
What about my relationship with myself? Am I eager to learn new things and take on challenges or do I settle for status quo? Am I willing to face my prejudices, confront my fears and doubts? Is my prayer actually a conversation with myself?
Perhaps the hardest question to ponder honestly was the finale of the self-administered test: If I haven’t written anything down to work on, because I think my road is in pretty good shape and doesn’t need any work, could it be that my road is really so narrow that it doesn’t demand much effort from me to maintain it?
Is the Spirit of God inviting me to widen it? Is it time for me to consider adding a few extra lanes? What if I made more room and expanded my relationship with both the Lord and others?
Our calender’s Jewish roots
Heading into Advent in a spirit of reflection reminds me of the homework assignment I did not hand in, the column I failed to write in September. It was the season that the Jewish community marked its High Holy Days, beginning with Rosh Hashanah, the New Year which celebrates God’s creation of the universe. The season ends with Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, after Jews spend 10 days of self-reflection, fasting and reconciliation. It’s important for Christians to know about, because it is from the Jewish roots of Jesus and the early church that we inherit the idea of a liturgical calendar with an annual pattern of holy days and spiritual observances like Advent. The spirit of Jewish observance is very familiar to us at Advent.
Rabbi Peter Schaktman of the Oahu Jewish Ohana told me the Jewish observance is “a time to tell the truth to yourself; today I’m not going to lie to myself. There’s something deeply satisfying about it, self-assessment and renewal. Deep down, we know we are flawed, it is a context to acknowledge that and move on.”
“We have a deep need to renew ourselves,” the rabbi said.
“Every year it is an opportunity to connect with God,” said Ken Aronowitz, prayer leader of Temple Emanu-El. “It’s a time to look within one’s self, what’s happening, what progress you are making, admitting behavior and actions that don’t measure up to God’s expectations. Every year it’s an opportunity to connect with God, to develop a religious, spiritual practice.
“I look at creation as the world was in darkness. God turned on the light,” Aronowitz said of the holy day in which Jews celebrate the beginning of God’s relationship with mankind.
We are heading into our Christian season of light, and uneven as our road may be, Isaiah already tells us where it ends. “Go up onto a high mountain … cry out at the top of your voice … Cry out, do not fear. Say to the cities of Judah: here is your God.”
Isaiah was into the shepherds and flock imagery, too, and that’s another story.
Except, we should remember that those shepherds who heeded the angels’ announcement didn’t bring gifts or proud achievements. They came to Bethlehem unprepared and were filled with awe at what they found at the end of their road.
Despite how much more we know than those simple folks did at the time, we can’t bring more than they when we finish our Advent journey. After the time we’ve taken for introspection, what more can we achieve than a renewed child-like wonder at the glorious gift of Christmas.
