Embracing family
At one time or another, we have all had difficulty saying “no” or self-sacrificing to the point that we resented others for their lack of appreciation. Don’t worry. We’ve all been there!
Self-sacrificing can reflect altruism if we do so with happiness and gratitude. We may have lost focus if we find that we are keeping track of our acts of kindness, feeling bitter when others are not thanking us for our generosity or believing that others are not pulling their weight.
When we focus on Jesus and the people we serve, we typically feel excited to help. We tend to become bitter, angry and frustrated when the focus shifts to us. We begin to judge others for their lack of gratitude or effort. What we used to do eagerly, we now do begrudgingly.
Does this sound familiar? There is no need to be embarrassed. Read on!
One way we can combat our martyr complex is by choosing a simple phrase that we recite at the start of our day, throughout the day and before we go to bed. For example:
- Jesus, all that I do, I do for you.
- Jesus, I offer you my day.
- Jesus, I love you.
- Jesus, I offer you my thoughts, words and actions.
- Holy Spirit, fill my heart with your love.
- Heavenly Father, your will be done.
If we find ourselves struggling with a martyr complex, don’t stress! That will only exacerbate the situation. Rather, lift this in prayer and ask God to help you shift your perspective. We need to focus less on ourselves and more on Jesus and others.
Doing so will transform us, and we will head toward sainthood, leaving the martyr complex behind. We can remember that the acronym JOY stands for Jesus first, then others, and lastly ourselves (“yourself”).
Lent has been a time to focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving. This Holy Week is a great time to ask Jesus to help us purify our intentions.
Jesus said in Luke 22:42, “Not my will but yours be done.” On the cross, he forgave his persecutors, saying, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Jesus can help us transform our martyr complex from focusing on ourselves to focusing on him in prayer and others in service.
When the feelings of bitterness or resentment creep in, and we feel that our family or co-workers are ungrateful, let’s ask God to fill our hearts with what we are not seeing, to become what we think is lacking in the world around us.
If we feel others are ungrateful, may our lives exude gratitude. If no one notices what we are doing for them, then let’s begin to thank those around us, even for the slightest thing, such as holding the door open.
If we feel that we are invisible in our homes, let’s start to see those who are invisible in our communities, such as the houseless man or woman we are driving past. In other words, we need to be the change we want to see in the world. (Note: This quote is often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, although this appears to be a paraphrase of things he said and not an actual quote.)
If we want to transform our martyr complex into sainthood, believe there is good in the world and “be the good”:
Believe
There is
Good in the world.
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond!
