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THE MARRIED LIFE
Tom had surgery on his shoulder to repair a torn rotator cuff. Two weeks later I had surgery on my shin to remove a melanoma. Tom wore a sling on his arm, and I had a bandage on my leg. People at church joked, “What did you do to each other?!”
Two weeks later I had another surgery to place a skin graft to cover the melanoma wound and was in the hospital for a week.
Tom was my biggest support during my hospital stay. Because of COVID restrictions, only one person was allowed to visit each day, but only between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Since Tom was working, he came for an extended 1-to-2-hour lunch period. I looked forward to his visits, and he always brought me a special cup of hot tea. Sometimes it’s the little things that make life sweet.
The day I was to go home the doctor showed me how to bandage my leg and donor site every other day. Being squeamish, I could barely look at the wound let alone bandage it. Fortunately, Tom had been a Navy medic and he performed my dressing changes for the first three weeks I was home.
Being sedentary for a long time was hard for me. I felt bad for Tom doing all the work even as he was recovering from his own surgery. I wanted to jump out of the chair and do the dishes, but he insisted I stay where I was. Watching him made me appreciate all he does and the way he does things carefully and thoughtfully. It also gave me pause to listen to and observe his needs as well.
Sleep was always Tom’s biggest struggle. It was hard for him to get comfortable enough to sleep with his shoulder pain, and he had to limit his pain medicine due to side effects. Sleep was less of an issue for me since I am retired and could take a nap during the day. I prayed a lot for a resolution to Tom’s pain, and it is slowly coming. Praying for one another and simply being a companion are sometimes the best things we can do.
“In sickness and health …” are part of the marriage vows. Health is a blessing. Sickness is a trial, and you can’t always anticipate when it will come. A year ago, Tom and I didn’t expect these events. But they are a part of life.
Trials can teach us patience; patience with one another, and patience with ourselves. We want to get better more quickly than we do. We want our spouse to get better too. But it takes time, and what we do with that time is important.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
Being in the hospital also gave me compassion for people I know who suffer from cancer and other illnesses and all the side effects these bring. For married couples, or family members caring for a loved one, sometimes the caregiver suffers as much as the one who is sick. Their love for one another propels them to not give up.
God’s grace and strength can be relied upon in the most difficult times. Praying together as a couple or family fosters unity and reminds us that the Lord is always with us. Also, the sacraments of anointing of the sick and Communion are great blessings.
Trials inevitably come, but what a gift when we don’t have to go through them alone.
