Photo by Gervyn Louis on Unsplash
THE MARRIED LIFE
By Mary Duddy
During this pandemic the plight of our most vulnerable elderly has come to the fore. Some are in nursing homes; others are in family homes; all are precious in God’s eyes.
I admire and honor those who give of themselves to care for these beloved ones. Many come to mind:
A friend of mine, with her husband’s loving support, is caring for her aging parents in their home. Because of the pandemic this has become harder. They can’t go out as much, and she has to be very careful about social contacts. As a result, there is less support, and my friend’s life is much restricted. Her main outings now are going to doctor appointments.
Another friend’s husband died just before the pandemic hit. Her 93-year-old mother came to the funeral and never left. Her mom was scared to go back to the independent living home on the Mainland where she had been living. Residents were isolated and not allowed visitors, particularly because a few of them caught COVID-19. Her daughter welcomed her to live with her in Hawaii, and despite the many adjustments required, this has worked out well for both of them.
A priest friend says Mass every Sunday for the Franciscan sisters who now live in a care home in Kaneohe. A few people in the facility asked for the anointing of the sick, so he administered the sacrament to anyone who wanted it. On other days he buys groceries for an older widow.
My sister-in-law is recovering from major surgery and is going to a Catholic care home to recover, the second time in the past few months. Due to the virus, no visitors are allowed. But they bring her Communion every day, and the staff is loving and caring.
One family had their mother/grandmother/great-grandmother who had long lived with her son’s family, pass away just when the lockdown began. This saintly woman was given a very small funeral, with a larger memorial service deferred until the pandemic is done. Not having a traditional funeral was hard for the family, but the love and care they surrounded her with during her final years was what really mattered.
Another family is protective of their elderly parents who have lived with them for many years. When the parents get stir-crazy not being able to go places, extended family members take them on an around-the-island car ride.
Every situation with elderly parents and relatives is different. The important thing is that they are treasured and cared for. Often, if they are in an assisted living situation, visitors are not allowed. One has to be creative to reach out to them. For many older people the phone is a good option because they look forward to regular phone calls with family. Skype, Zoom and Facetime are all possible if they can manage the technology. Drive-by visits are fun too.
Cards and notes are also meaningful. When my older brother was in a care home, he used to check his mail every day. How disappointing it was when there was no mail, and how happy he was when there was something.
A couple times during the lockdown my husband played his accordion in the driveway and backyard of friends when in-home visits were not possible. Others sing.
And, of course, we can always pray for and with the elderly as Pope Francis encourages us: “Let us pray to the Lord [that he will] be close to our grandfathers, our grandmothers, all the elderly and give them strength. They give us wisdom, life, history.” Especially during these days of uncertainty let us pray for them.
Lord, bless all our aging relatives and those who care for them. Also bless those who have no one to comfort them and those who must die alone. Amen.
