Mary Adamski: ‘Protect us from all anxiety’

VIEW FROM THE PEW

You must have heard the advice “keep calm and carry on” memorializing the British stiff-upper-lip fortitude during World War II when Nazi bombing attacks ravaged London and other cities on their island. Funny and foolish parodies of that sentiment can still be seen in T-shirts on folks who only know about the Blitz from history classroom or movies. If a new local version, ripped from the headlines, hasn’t hit the market, I’d be surprised. The calming mantra was playing in my mind at Mass last week just as father was saying the prayer that follows our communal recitation of the Lord’s Prayer. Some of us probably zone out during it as we think ahead to the sign of peace and “auntie expects me to go over there and hug her” or “should I shake hands during the flu season.”

But it is a weighty prayer just now, a chicken skin moment — “deliver us Lord, we pray, from every evil … grant peace in our days … may we be always free from sin and safe from all distress.”

That’s one of the texts in the current liturgy that makes me miss language we used before the 2012 revision of the Roman Missal. Remember, it used to go “protect us from all anxiety.” I recall a previous pastor who explained that some anxiety is healthy, motivating us to plan, strive, study, compete, be careful; so he would edit it to “unnecessary anxiety.” He wasn’t the only priest to edit the text thus.

“The Scriptures and the Roman Missal remind us that anxiety and distress are part of the human condition,” said Father Patrick Carrion, in a column at the Our Sunday Visitor Newsweekly site. He and other Christian writers cite many a Biblical text on the subject and, of course, we know that the punch line of them all is to put our faith in God.

Looking to heaven for shelter wasn’t in the minds of even the most faith-filled as they received the message that the sky was falling in a few minutes. Especially those responsible for their children. Especially students and visitors far from the safety of their own homes. Especially for all of us teetering at the brink of anxiety every day as we hear the world news.

Now that we’ve all caught our breath after that Saturday morning, there’s good practical sense from Father Carrion, who can be found at osv.com. “There are multiple remedies for anxiety and stress. There is the remedy to reframe whatever is causing the stress.” He was writing about people taking steps to prepare for an exam, a job situation, but his advice to plan ahead was an echo of the advice we’ve been hearing from officialdom about laying up supplies, designating a crawl space, preparing for the next message about falling sky.

“Unfortunately, we often don’t learn from our experiences, and we see each anxiety-prone moment as unique, as if no one else has ever experienced it, or that this is a new one for God to handle,” Father Carrion wrote. “We forget to ask ourselves if we will be tossing and turning over this three months from now, not remembering that in the large scope of things, it might not be worth all this negative energy. Maybe learn from … the anxiety-prone moment that the sooner you invite God into the moment, the sooner the anxiety turns to serenity.”

Clueless at the time

I recognized my own life in the priest’s description of waking in the middle of the night, mind churning the things you need to do or failed to do. It’s what made me change my earlier intent to skip the subject entirely. I thought I was in the shrug and chuckle school of thought about the seemingly neverending story of the button bungling.

I considered myself of that school of thought after my non-participation in the non-event. Despite the continuing fallout in professional media and on social media, it didn’t seem to be column fodder for me. I was clueless at the time and caught up hours late. And from conversations since then, I gather there were a lot of us.

Thank goodness, none of my family on the Mainland heard about it in time to worry. That was my punchline to my boring account of sleeping in until 9 a.m. Younger generations in our group find it another mildly amusing chapter of the dinosaur elder who doesn’t turn on the TV in the morning and who turned off the cellphone’s alarm app after being annoyed too often with rain and flooding alerts for other islands or high surf updates irrelevant to me. It gave the ladies at the next table at the coffeehouse the chance to do the breaking news bit for me.

Even when the story continued to roll day after day, fingers being pointed, fists shaken, apologies delivered, every standing politician weighing in, drama from people who were truly anguished, I thought I’d best leave it alone. Besides I had notes on a talk by an interfaith community leader who has strayed far from the Protestant pillar of belief that faith alone gets you to heaven; he now thinks performing good works, community activism, defines faith as much as dogma. Turns out, that’s another column down the road.

I have a lot of company in wanting to put a damper on the drama. Enough already of the people whipping up worse anxiety, people plotting possible litigation, people spraying blame like acid. I just hope there’s lots of hugs being administered off camera, and that the “keep calm and carry on” message is getting to kids. Especially to that child we’ve seen being put down a manhole — whatever has happened to her.

Despite all I read and heard on the subject, the voice of reason that resonated with me came in a Jan. 18 interview on Hawaii Public Radio. Retired Air Force Lt. Gen. Daniel Leaf assessed how slight is the likelihood of a North Korean missile attack. Leaf, former deputy commander of the U.S. Pacific Command, now heads Phase Minus 1, a consultant group on conflict resolution, national security and defense technology. He labeled the Jan. 13 false alarm a “perfect storm of circumstances” and called for the United States to make “a serious attempt at reconciliation” as it has successfully with other former wartime enemy countries. His interview can be found at hawaiipublicradio.org; click on news and look for “The Conversation” for Jan. 18.

There still didn’t seem to be anything for me to add. Who hasn’t chimed in? How could I possibly match the parody by Frank De Lima to the tune of the Bee Gees’ hit “Stayin’ Alive.” Thanks, Frank, at least now I have something to hum in those wakeful middle of the night hours.

More sad than scared

My dark hours are more likely sad than scared. I’m not stressing about what’s ahead for us if the next phone alert is really real. I’m thinking of my brother who knows he’s dying of cancer and of his kids who celebrated Christmas with “last time” in mind. I’m thinking of families like mine who are anxious without the help of telephone apps.

Wrapped in my own gloom, I didn’t realize how lacking in compassion I was. I was exasperated each time someone had their 15 minutes of fame telling about their fear and distress. I’m still suffering from second-hand stress after hearing about people buying guns as their remedy for stress.

But then I got a lesson from a 4-year-old grandchild of the Papa I just mentioned. Her mother was reading aloud one of those stories that adults know will always end happily. It was a tale of a mother duck who’d lost her ducklings and the adventure that ensued as she searched for them. At the end of the story, the child sobbed and sobbed. “Why cry?” asked Mom, “the babies are found and safe.” The answer was “But Mom, imagine how scared they were.”

Imagine how scared they were. The words brought tears to a mother who is also a daughter anticipating a real life sad ending ahead. My pillow is damp when I think about it.

I hope everyone is finding tools to cope with anxiety, distress, fear. Tears relieve the pressure. Humor helps put it in perspective. Talking about the feelings help share the load. Making even the smallest plan of action can give a family some sense of having a grip on it. If the finger-pointing, scolding and blaming have a positive effect in prodding authorities, politicians, leaders to take steps toward protecting us and seeking peace and reconciliation, hooray and thank God.

I feel sad and sorry that there aren’t more people who do find strength and ease in God’s words about stress and fear. Lent is time when we’ll hear Biblical guidance to survive this awful human affliction of anxiety. Here’s a familiar part of the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus telling his followers “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life span? … Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”