IN LITTLE WAYS
This year, as the anniversary of Roe v. Wade approaches, my thoughts are with the mothers.
As a teenager, I never had to face telling my parents I was pregnant. However, I remember other secrets I kept and the panic I felt when I thought they’d find out.
I can easily imagine myself age 16 and expecting. Abortion would seem like the obvious solution, especially if workers at a nice clean clinic promised me that my parents would never know. I can see myself, immature and ashamed, thinking that this quick procedure meant I could return to my normal life as if nothing had happened.
Most women getting abortions are not teenagers. Almost half had been using some form of contraception. They live in a culture that ridicules chastity and abstinence. Frequent sexual activity is considered a right, and the only problems associated with sex are STDs and being unattractive. When these women get pregnant, they feel a sense of injustice. “I don’t sleep around. He used a condom. This isn’t fair and needs to be fixed right away.” For them, the logical fix is abortion.
Almost half of aborting mothers live below the poverty line. Over half already have at least one child. Forty-five percent are not married and are not cohabiting. If I felt trapped in poverty, I wouldn’t want another mouth to feed. If a college degree was in sight, or I’d finally landed a decent job, I wouldn’t want to give that up for an unexpected baby. I can imagine deciding that I owed it to the child I already had to choose abortion.
Some of the tests the reveal severe birth defects cannot be performed until midway through a pregnancy. I had trouble-free pregnancies and healthy babies. I have friends, though, who weren’t so fortunate. I easily imagine the fears of a woman who has just learned her unborn child has cystic fibrosis, spina bifida or anencephaly and chooses abortion.
I’m not saying abortion is the right choice in these situations. I’m saying it’s an understandable choice. I know that God can help us carry any cross. I know how much a loving family and friends help in these cases. I know that millions have found great joy raising children they thought were “mistakes.” I also know what fear feels like. I know how it weakens our judgment. I know we can be pressured into making decisions that violate our conscience.
What troubles me about much prolife material is that it doesn’t seem to understand or acknowledge the reasons why women get abortions. I hear concern for the babies but only condemnation for the mothers. I fear this condemnation makes women close their hearts and minds to Catholic teaching. I deeply fear that that closing is permanent. Not only does the woman go ahead with her abortion and become more staunchly prochoice. She turns away from the church altogether.
In this Year of Mercy, we need to remember that every abortion has several victims. Yes, the mother and those who participated in the abortion are sinners, but so are we. God has forgiven our sins, even the mortal ones. We need to assure all abortion victims that they, too, can receive God’s mercy. As Catholics, we are called to be evangelizers, to help people draw closer to Jesus. As they build, or rebuild, their relationship with Christ, his spirit will show them where they need to repent. The more gently we speak to them, the more likely they are to see our church as a safe place to begin.
Kathleen welcomes comments. Send them to Kathleen Choi, 1706 Waianuenue Ave., Hilo 96720, or email: kathchoi@hawaii.rr.com.
