Embracing family
Wildfires, floods and hurricanes. When disasters or hardships strike, children shouldn’t have to pretend everything is OK, but they also shouldn’t be expected to handle things like miniature adults!
Many in Hawaii have experienced fear and loss to an extent that others can only imagine due to natural disasters. Still others have experienced loss in other ways: losing a job, a loved one, their health or their marriage. Our children experience these sufferings as well, but in a different way than we do.
While they understand something bad has happened, they still want to play, laugh, eat their favorite treats or have a friend over. They, too, are carrying their crosses, but as children, not as adults. Suffering is an inevitable part of life’s journey; however, how can we carry our crosses gracefully, so we teach our children to carry theirs without asking them to carry the burdens meant for adults?
God calls none of us to carry our crosses alone; we have Christ, our faith community and our family and friends. We have hope that suffering can and will lead to new life. Simon of Cyrene helped Jesus carry his cross. If Jesus accepted help from someone else, certainly we can, too!
Remember in 1 Cor 12:12-26 where it says that we are all one body in Christ, and that when one member suffers, they all suffer? We don’t need to be superheroes; rather, we need to carry life’s crosses gracefully, asking for help, and allowing others to walk that journey with us. When we say that we ask for help, we are not referring to our children.
Adults are meant to carry adult burdens. Our own parents may have over-shared or insufficiently shared their suffering with us. We need to reflect on that so we strike a healthy balance with our own children.
We can share judiciously in a child-appropriate manner, and we can allow our children to participate in a child-appropriate way. However, they should not be the ones we turn to for support. We need to seek that support in prayer and from other adults in our lives.
What does it mean for a child to share in the suffering in a child-appropriate way? It is OK for them to see us cry. We can explain things simply without sharing the explicit details. We can answer their questions or let them know that sometimes we do not have answers.
They can pray. They can choose an act of kindness or generosity. Meanwhile, they should play, laugh, watch a movie and have fun. Laughter is not disrespectful to someone who is suffering; rather, everyday joys can provide a sense of normalcy, safety and healing. Children can compassionately participate in suffering without carrying every burden it entails.
Our children will be watching how we carry our cross. What message will they learn by our example: Life is not fair? God abandoned us? This is difficult, and I am sad, too? We don’t know what will happen, but we do know God is with us? We need not hide our suffering because then our children will not learn how to carry their crosses and become resilient. They need to see us carrying our daily crosses with faith, hope and love.
Our Catholic faith teaches us that Christ’s journey does not end with the crucifixion. The resurrection follows! While there is suffering and death, there is also new life. It is our responsibility to carry our crosses in faith, together with help from others in our community, confident that this suffering is not in vain. It will bring new life, if only we believe! This way we model for our children how to carry life’s crosses with hope.
Sorrow, loss and death never have the final word. Happiness and new life are always on the horizon, and we must walk in faith with our children to watch the Son rise each day.
Questions or prayer requests? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond. To those who have asked for prayers, please know that we continue to lift you up in prayer!