By Anthony Selvanathan
Special to the Herald
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and in recent weeks my social media feeds have been filled with reminders to check on one another, speak openly about mental health and remind people who are struggling that they are not alone.
Those messages matter to me because I know something about the struggle behind them. I know what it is like to go to Mass wearing a mask that says everything is OK while inside it feels as though life is falling apart. I know what it is like to kneel in prayer and grapple with God: Why is this happening? Why am I being asked to carry this suffering? Why, when I am trying to remain faithful, does the weight still feel so heavy?
I do not have easy answers to those questions. But I have learned that God is not offended when we ask them.
Scripture does not give us a faith without anguish. The Psalms cry out, “How long, Lord?” Jesus weeps. In Gethsemane, he tells his disciples, “My soul is sorrowful even to death.” Our faith does not require us to hide our suffering before we approach God. We can bring the truth of our suffering with us.
That matters when we talk about mental health.
A person can love God deeply and still experience depression. A person can pray faithfully and live with anxiety. We can receive the sacraments and see a therapist. We can trust in God and accept professional care.
Grace and treatment are not rivals. Yet asking for help can still be difficult. In Hawaii, our Catholic community is a beautiful meeting place of cultures, generations and family traditions. We have inherited different ways of understanding suffering, privacy, strength and vulnerability. Some of us were taught, explicitly or otherwise, to keep our struggles within the family, not burden others, remain strong or simply push through.
Sometimes different generations within the same family do not even have the same language for what someone is experiencing.
Faith can add another layer. We may wonder whether we should simply pray harder, trust God more or somehow become stronger Christians. We may fear what people in our parish would think if they knew what was really happening behind the smile they see on Sunday.
Our churches should be among the safest places to say, “I am not OK.”
No one should feel ashamed for struggling with mental health. No one should be made to believe that seeking counseling or medical treatment means they have failed to trust God. And no family grieving someone who has died by suicide should be made to carry additional shame.
The Church teaches that grave psychological disturbances can diminish a person’s responsibility and reminds us that we should not despair of the eternal salvation of those who have taken their own lives.
As a millennial Catholic and young adult, I know how difficult it can be to navigate these struggles while also navigating faith, family and the expectations we place upon ourselves. I am still learning too.
Perhaps that is why one of the simplest commands in Scripture has become so meaningful to me: “Bear one another’s burdens” (Gal 6:2).
Bearing another person’s burden does not mean we must know how to fix it. Sometimes it means listening without judgment. Sometimes it means asking “How are you?” and caring enough to hear the real answer. Sometimes it means helping someone find professional support.
And sometimes it means allowing someone else to carry part of our own burden.
If you are struggling, please know this: You do not have to be ashamed. You do not have to pretend everything is fine. You do not have to choose between faith and seeking help. You are not alone.
There is a place for you in the Church. Your life has dignity and value, even when suffering makes that difficult to believe. Your story is still worth continuing.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health or suicide crisis, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.