Two long-running programs in Hawaii help couples enrich and renew their relationships
By Lisa Dahm
Hawaii Catholic Herald
For Catholics, the sacrament of marriage is an indissoluble covenant between two people and Christ, which is much more than a contract in the civil world.
“The sacrament of matrimony is a lifelong vocation,” said David Tupper, a leader in the Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter program. “Considering that the sacrament is operational for your lifelong vocation, and the family is the domestic church, the core of that family is the married couple.”
Valentine’s Day on Feb. 14 provides an opportunity to celebrate matrimony across the globe: This year, Feb. 8 marked recognition of Worldwide Marriage Day, and in the U.S., National Marriage Week took place Feb. 7-14.
The Catholic Church has had two programs for more than 50 years that strengthen and support the sacrament of marriage — Catholic Engaged Encounter for marriage preparation and Worldwide Marriage Encounter for couples who have been married for more than a year.
Both programs offer retreats that allow couples to focus on themselves without the distraction of technology or having to address family and work responsibilities.
The programs are supported by volunteer “presenting” couples; behind-the-scenes couples who pray and perform personal sacrifices for participants; and clergy who devote their time to helping marriages thrive.
Preparing for future
Lourdes and David Tupper are the local coordinators for Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter in the Diocese of Honolulu.
“I think we humbly just try to be instruments of the weekend,” said Lourdes Tupper. “We’re presenting the topic, but we’re also sharing our personal experience.”
“When you’re engaged, your emotions are high and the love is strong,” David Tupper said. “This is the person for you, and you don’t really think about some of the challenges you’ll face.”
David Tupper said that presenting couples offer pre-newlyweds a glimpse of future communication problems that may crop up, especially in the beginning of a marriage, that will help couples tackle small issues that create big problems if left unresolved.
The examples that presenting couples provide demonstrate “how putting God in the center of your marriage can have strength in that marriage and help you through the difficult times and those challenges that arise,” he said.
Dalton Compton and Katy Kropatsch, who attend the Cathedral Basilica of Our Lady of Peace in downtown Honolulu, will marry in July in Montana. They moved to Hawaii last May for a postdoctoral position at the University of Hawaii-Manoa.
While working on marriage preparation with Father Pascual G. Abaya, rector of the cathedral basilica, they learned that attending an Engaged Encounter weekend is required in the diocese. The couple said they had little knowledge of the Engaged Encounter experience prior to attending.
When they met in 2020, Compton had no religious affiliation. He quickly found that if he wanted to spend time with Kropatsch on Tuesday evenings, he had to meet her at her church and attend Bible study with a community of Catholic young adults.
He found a sense of belonging in the group and decided to join the Order for Christian Initiation for Adults classes with plans to be baptized this Easter to have a fully sacramental marriage in July.
“The main thing for me was learning just how a marriage is supposed to look with God at the center,” Compton said, “and the difference between a contract, like marriage and how the secular world is versus the covenant and laying down your ego and yourself as a sacrifice for your spouse.”
Kropatsch said that she and Compton had already addressed most of the subjects they discussed on the weekend.
“A lot of topics we were very aligned on, which was very reassuring,” Kropatsch said.
Newlyweds Zach and Kelsey Kasberg have already volunteered to serve on the Engaged Encounter team.
After attending their own retreat in September, the parishioners at St. Augustine by-the-Sea Church in Waikiki offered to pray for couples on the November retreat. Then, just two weeks after their wedding, they supported the 15 couples making their Engaged Encounter in January.
Zach said that volunteering on the Engaged Encounter weekends is a good fit for them and allows them to be the best versions of themselves as a couple.
To learn more about Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter, including upcoming weekend retreats, visit hawaii.engagedencounter.com.
Continuing to grow
After at least a year of marriage, couples are eligible to continue to nurture their relationships through Worldwide Marriage Encounter.
Brian and Claudine Perry — who have been married for 37 years and have two daughters — are the coordinators for Hawaii’s chapter. They said that many couples have reported significant change and renewed lifelong commitment after attending a Marriage Encounter experience.
The Perrys have been involved in Worldwide Marriage Encounter since 2001, and this year marks their 25th year as a presenting team.
Brian Perry said their first experience with Worldwide Marriage Encounter transformed their own marriage, connecting them with community support that helped prevent serious marital issues early on. At the time of their first retreat, he was not Catholic, but afterward, he decided to take what was then called Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults classes and was received into the church in 1992.
Ed and Betty Coda, authors of “Passionate Parent, Passionate Couple: Keeping the Passion Alive after the Children Arrive,” attended their first Worldwide Marriage Encounter in 1976. They had two of their six children, and Betty was pregnant with their third.
Prior to the weekend, they were focused on being good parents and “getting the job done” in their parenting and relationship. Afterward, they realized the importance of nurturing their relationship, which they found made it more vibrant.
He said they re-evaluated their relationship after the weekend and learned to always put God first, themselves second and everything else third. They have remained active in Worldwide Marriage Encounter in some way since then.
Married couples interested in attending a Hawaii Worldwide Marriage Encounter experience have several options coming up: April 24-26 at the Holy Family Ohana Center in Honolulu (nonresidential), July 10-12 at St. Anthony Retreat Center in Kalihi Valley (residential), and Aug. 14-16 at St. Anthony of Padua Church in Wailuku, Maui (nonresidential).
“Residential” refers to a full weekend away with overnight stays. “Nonresidential” allows couples to return home at the end of each day.
For more information, visit hawaiiwwme.org.
Above: Couples attended a session during a recent Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter retreat at St. Stephen Diocesan Center in Kaneohe. (Courtesy photo)