Embracing Family
If parenting seems more difficult these days, you are not alone. Many parents feel stretched too thin, trying to set boundaries while not being too strict, show kindness while not being too lenient and raise children with faith in a world that sometimes seems to lack it. There is advice everywhere — on social media, in podcasts and in books — but it can still be hard to feel confident. Many parents wonder, “Am I doing this right?”
It might be surprising, but one of the most helpful parenting guides for today lived over 150 years ago.
St. John Bosco, whose feast is Jan. 31, was an Italian priest who worked with orphans and troubled boys in the 1800s. He faced challenges that seem different at first but are quite similar to what parents face now. He responded with a simple, human approach called the Preventive System, which still connects with families today: reason, religion and loving kindness.
St. John Bosco believed children do best when adults guide them without being controlling. Reason was the first part of his Preventive System. He set clear expectations, explained things simply and gave fair consequences when needed. Instead of using fear or punishment to get the children to behave, he wanted them to understand why their choices mattered and how their actions affected others.
For him, discipline meant teaching (which was the original definition of the word in Latin), not blaming, shaming or punishing the children. Parents today might see this as helping children learn responsibility, not just follow orders.
The second part of the Preventive System was religion. St. John Bosco was not strict or harsh, and he did not reprimand children for their mistakes. He knew that young people need to feel loved by adults to find meaning and hope. This helped them understand that God loved them, too. Faith gave them a sense of value and purpose, even if they were orphans or felt alone.
Today, children often hear that their worth depends on success or popularity. Being spiritually grounded and finding a bigger purpose can make a real difference.
Loving kindness, the third part of the system, was at the heart of everything St. John Bosco did. He often said, “Education is a matter of the heart,” and he truly believed it. He thought children should always know they are loved, especially when they make mistakes. Corrections worked best when there was trust. When young people felt seen, welcomed and loved, they were more likely to listen and grow. Love was not a reward for good behavior; it was the foundation of the relationship.
The Love and Logic Parenting system parallels St. John Bosco’s Preventive System. Both use love (loving kindness) and logic (reason) to encourage parents to show empathy before correcting their children, to avoid power struggles by giving small choices before things become problematic and to let kids experience natural consequences in a safe, loving home. The goal is respectful and responsible children who are resilient and can think for themselves.
While Love and Logic uses more modern psychological terms, the ideas are not new. St. John Bosco lived these principles every day with religion as the foundation.
This is why St. John Bosco’s message still matters. Parenting now can be stressful, busy and tiring. Kids are influenced by what they see on their devices and often deal with more anxiety, while parents feel pressure to do it all. His wisdom reminds us to slow down and focus on what is truly important.
Children do not need perfect parents or perfect plans. They need parents who are present, patient and willing to listen and guide them so they can learn to think critically and make good choices. When reason, religion and loving kindness come together, families become stronger, parents are more proactive and children feel safe and loved. This can help make our homes places of love, faith and growth.
Questions or prayer requests? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond.