Facing the future together
By Lisa Dahm
Hawaii Catholic Herald
In response to life-altering cancer diagnoses, a close-knit support group of patients, survivors and caregivers chooses to defy the disease together in fellowship, faith and encouragement.
According to longtime parishioner and founding member Ann Jones, the cancer support group at Holy Trinity Church in Kuliouou is a sacred space where participants talk story, offering pain, joy, empathy and even laughter.
“Sharing our friendship and faith is powerful,” said Jones of the group, which meets twice monthly in the parish rectory dining room.
According to the state Department of Health, cancer is the second-leading cause of death in Hawaii. Each year, 7,000 residents are diagnosed with the disease and 2,000 will die from it.
More than 10 years ago, Holy Trinity parishioners addressed the health crisis by creating the support group to meet the community’s spiritual and social needs. Since cancer affects caregivers, they were included as well.
“Cancer is a family disease,” Jones explained. “You cannot have cancer without having it affect your family circle.”
Participants are from different backgrounds, ages, parishes and even faiths, yet they connect and bolster each other’s courage as they continue along their journey.
The cancer support group is different from, say, a typical Bible study gathering. The evening begins and ends with a prayer, but the bulk of the time is spent discussing whatever cancer questions or topics arise — whether a newly diagnosed person is asking questions of a survivor or someone whose cancer has returned is looking for treatment tips and advice.
And, since it’s an ohana event, there are always heavy pupus, desserts and drinks.
The pastor of Holy Trinity, Capuchin Franciscan Father Michel Dalton, said he’s been impressed over the years with the cancer support group.
The group members’ faith reminds him of the disciples on the road to Emmaus, who drew strength from each other. When they recognized the presence of the Lord in their midst and their dependence on him, they found vital support in that unity.
“I think that’s what’s been the driving force in this group — that it’s based on the Lord’s presence and drawing strength from him, and they share that strength with each other,” Father Dalton said. “They seem to be just as vibrant, just as lively and just as supportive as when they began years before I got here to Holy Trinity.”
Jones said that while some people have been attending the meetings every second and fourth Monday at 6:30 p.m. since the group’s inception, many attend for a short time or only drop in occasionally.
For example, a participant came to a recent meeting for the first time when a family member was diagnosed with cancer.
“She wanted to come and find out what she could to help her sister-in-law,” Jones said. “She came three times and got what she needed.”
‘You are not alone’
Verna Makanani has been a member of the support group for more than 10 years. Makanani said she was raised Catholic but was not practicing when her partner of 36 years, Ted Williams, was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2013.
While Williams was in the hospital, a priest visited him and offered him an opportunity for reconciliation.
“He was so gentle and accepting and understanding,” she said of the priest. “It was just a blessed moment.”
After Williams was discharged, the couple began attending weekly Mass at Holy Trinity, and her partner survived for almost a year to the date of his diagnosis.
“During that time, it was our faith and being back in the church that got us through,” Makanani said.
Prior to his death, the couple had befriended Holy Trinity parishioners who recommended the cancer support group. Before Williams and Makanani could attend the next meeting, however, Williams passed away — but Makanani attended by herself several months later.
“It was the best thing that happened for me to get through the loss,” she said. “To have this fellowship, I’ll forever be grateful.”
About six months ago, Pamela Gossage, lost her companion to cancer. Three weeks later, she discovered she also had cancer and began the daily task of facing the disease alone.
A neighbor who attends Holy Trinity’s bereavement group encouraged Gossage to contact Jones.
Not only did Gossage start attending the bereavement meetings, she also started going to the cancer support group, where she found supportive friends who understand her. They have been through the same cancer journey and have experienced the same doubts, questions and feelings.
“Ann is wonderful,” Gossage said of Jones. “She keeps the group together and keeps us upbeat.”
Gossage said that while going through treatment, there are some days when she might not feel like going out, but she makes sure she shows up and participates.
“It is so helpful to know you are not alone with the process,” Gossage said. “Every once in a while, you have a day that knocks you flat. If you are with the group, they seem to be able to boost you a little and let you know that everyone has those days and (they give you advice to say) this is how they got through it.”
For more information on the Holy Trinity Cancer Support Group, visit the parish website at holytrinitychurchhi.org or call the parish office at (808) 396-0551.
Above: Attendees of a recent cancer support group included, clockwise from center front: Pat Yim, Ann Jones, Anne Harpham, Ampie Dios, Elaine Schultz, Cynthia Johnson, Verna Makanani, Pamela Gossage and Sandy Yim. (Courtesy Ann Jones)