Bishop Francis X. DiLorenzo renamed Pat Tossey’s role, changing it to administrative assistant from secretary. (HCH file photo)
By Celia K. Downes
Hawaii Catholic Herald
With an infectious laugh and a deep, enduring love for the church, Patricia S. Tossey played an essential role in the Diocese of Honolulu for five decades.
Whether she was mentoring young people in the bygone Catholic Youth Organization or helping bishops manage their busy schedules, Tossey did it all with passion and a work ethic that impressed everyone she met.
Tossey, who retired in 2008 from her role as executive secretary to the bishop, died Sept. 1 in Honolulu. She was 90 years old.
Her family and friends recalled a steadfast worker who had a deep understanding of the diocese but never stopped seeking knowledge, even after she retired. Her dedication to her job belied a joy-filled, infectious personality that quickly put everyone she met at ease.
Tossey was the executive secretary/administrative assistant for three bishops: late Bishops Joseph Ferrario and Francis X. DiLorenzo, and Bishop Larry Silva.
Bishop Silva recalled first meeting Tossey when he was a priest in Oakland, California, who visited Hawaii regularly to see family and friends.
“Pat soon became one of my friends as well,” he said, “and I always enjoyed visiting her when I was in Honolulu.
“Little did I know that in 2005 I would be working with her when I became Bishop of Honolulu and she continued for several years as my executive secretary.”
Bishop Silva said Tossey was “not someone who ‘punched the timeclock,’ but who put in many hours because she truly enjoyed her work. She was most hospitable to the many guests who visited the bishops.”
Patrick Downes, the former editor of the Hawaii Catholic Herald who had known Tossey since their CYO days (he as a participant and volunteer, she as the organization’s secretary), counted her as a “longtime close friend” who still kept in touch after she retired — a common thread among the many people she had worked with.
“After the bishop and vicar general, probably no one knew more about the inner workings of the diocese than Pat,” Downes said. “She was professional, encouraging, hospitable and generous.
“If you needed something done, if it was possible, she would find a way.”
Patricia Tossey retired three years after Bishop Larry Silva’s arrival. (HCH file photo)
Finding faith
Patricia Sona Tossey was born July 21, 1935, in Honolulu to Roy and Rachel Tossey. One of three children, she attended Roosevelt High School in Honolulu and then flew to California to take business courses at Woodbury College in Los Angeles and at L.A. Community College. Her father’s failing health prompted her to return home in 1957.
Tossey’s family wasn’t Catholic, but they lived near the Cathedral of Our Lady of Peace in downtown Honolulu. In a 2008 Hawaii Catholic Herald story announcing her retirement, Tossey said the historic church “fascinated” her.
After speaking to a priest she met while walking through the church grounds, Father Joseph Turk, Tossey began studying Catholicism and later was baptized by Father Turk.
Initially her family was skeptical of her newfound faith, but in time they too were baptized by another priest friend, Father Raymond Churchill.
Father Churchill was the person who brought Tossey into the diocese when, in 1960, he offered her a secretarial position with the Catholic Youth Organization. He led the program under Bishop James J. Sweeney.
Over the next several years, CYO expanded its offerings to kids in need of enrichment and fellowship. In 1969, then-Father Joseph Ferrario became the director and CYO grew further to include the diocese’s religious education office, a high school retreat program, summer fun and camping programs, and more.
Tossey was still the organization’s secretary and grew close to Father Ferrario — so much so that when he was appointed bishop in 1982 (after serving as auxiliary bishop for four years), she moved to the downtown Honolulu chancery to work as his secretary.
She remained in her office, situated next to the bishop’s, for the next two and a half decades.
Under Bishop DiLorenzo, who served from 1993-2004, her title changed to administrative assistant — indicative of the close working relationship the two shared.
And when Father Silva, the Oakland priest with local ties, was appointed to lead the Diocese of Honolulu, he recalled: “I especially remember the hard work she did to help plan and execute the details of my episcopal ordination and installation on July 21, 2005 — which happened to be her birthday!”
A source of support
Tossey’s work ethic was apparent to everyone who met her, from her early days in CYO to the bishop’s office — even to the kids who participated in the youth program, including one who would become one of the diocese’s top priests.
Msgr. Terry Watanabe, pastor of St. Anthony of Padua Church in Wailuku, first met Tossey in the 1960s when he was a teenage student at St. Stephen Seminary (now St. Stephen Diocesan Center, the Kaneohe seminary was once an option for high school students alongside Damien, Saint Louis and Maryknoll schools).
The CYO office was at St. Stephen, and Msgr. Watanabe would help out on weekends — of course, Tossey would be there to continue work from the week.
“It was always a delight to be there,” he recalled. “It was always fun.”
“She just did so much for us,” Msgr. Watanabe said, even helping the seminarians type their term papers.
“I think she was very supportive of all of us (all the seminarians) and she really encouraged us to follow through on our commitments,” he added. “(She was) always encouraging us when we were down and out.”
Msgr. Watanabe said that Tossey’s commitment and dedication to who she was and what she was doing both impressed and inspired him as he was discerning his vocation.
“That really shored up and strengthened my own resolve to (my) commitment to being a priest,” he said. “(Her dedication) helped us to see how we should be living our vocation every day.”
Msgr. Watanabe remained connected to Tossey after he was ordained, working with her while he was stationed at the chancery and while he briefly served as vicar general under Bishop Ferrario.
“She was very efficient, very organized, very on it,” he said — “it was amazing.”
“She was in a sense married to the church, not having a husband and not having a family in the sense of her own children,” Msgr. Watanabe continued. “She really committed and dedicated her life to the Lord and the church.”
Tossey was “very realistic about her faith and the church, who knew the negative stuff but was very positive and very hopeful” about the Lord’s guidance, he said.
Downes also noted that Tossey never lost touch with the local church: “After she retired, we kept in touch mostly over lunch and by phone. She maintained her interest in what was happening in the diocese long after she left the chancery.”
Another former college seminarian who recalled Tossey’s support and friendship was iconic local entertainer Frank De Lima, who also worked for CYO during the summer months.
“I became an entertainer in 1974,” De Lima said. “Pat was a huge fan and supporter of my show as our friendship grew. Pat was also a huge supporter of my Student Enrichment Program statewide (which began) in 1983.”
As De Lima’s career grew, he and Tossey could not spend as much time together, but he said he would visit when he was able to.
The last time he saw her, he said, he was visiting The Ivy at Hawaii Kai assisted-living facility and found out she was a resident.
“I was so surprised and so happy to see her,” De Lima said. “We didn’t have much time to visit, but she was on the side of the stage with her wonderful laugh.”
Patricia Tossey, right, joined her sister’s family at the Ohana Mass, a liturgy for faithful with a variety of abilities, at Holy Trinity Church in 2013. From left: grand-nephew Joshua “Makana” Yamasaki, sister Maureen Yamasaki, niece Lisa Rae Yamasaki, niece Colleen Mau, and Mau’s husband Eric. (Photo courtesy Colleen Mau)
Beloved memories
Tossey never married, but she had two siblings and numerous nieces, nephews, grand-nieces and grand-nephews.
Her brother, Gerald Tossey, passed away in 2023.
Her sister, Maureen Yamasaki, recalled that “Pat was known as the princess of our family (who) had a great love for Jesus.” They loved to sing and harmonize together, Yamasaki added.
Colleen Mau, Yamasaki’s daughter, said her auntie “led a very simple life and had a very generous and compassionate heart. … Her emphatic friendly hellos to everyone instantly made all feel welcomed.”
“(I) spent a lot of time with Auntie Pat growing up and it was always a fun adventure,” Mau said. “Most of all, I’m going to miss her continuous love and heartfelt support she always gave unconditionally.”
Mau’s husband, Eric, also noted Tossey’s “kind and welcoming” nature: “I will always cherish her love and all she did for us.”
Joshua “Makana” Yamasaki, Tossey’s grand-nephew and Mau’s son, said that Tossey “lived a life filled with a strong commitment to her faith and family. Her love and generosity knew no bounds.
“I’m going to miss the days of community service at the diocese, enjoying a bento box with my auntie and bonding over acts of service to the church,” he said.
Tossey’s hanai nephew, Marvin Choy, first met her when he began working at the cathedral decades ago. Their closeness continued after she retired — whether it was sharing a meal, traveling to Las Vegas or meeting at The Ivy at Hawaii Kai, which Choy said he would do at least twice a month.
“She played an important role in the shaping the person I am today,” said Choy, who is the diocese’s controller. “She had such a strong work ethic that I will always admire as well as her unwavering faith. Her friendship, support and presence in my life are things I will always treasure and remember.”
Survivor, funeral details
Patricia S. Tossey is survived by her sister, Maureen Yamasaki; Carol Tossey (widow of brother Gerald); nieces Colleen Mau, Lisa Rae Yamasaki and Tracy Tossey; nephews Kevin Yamasaki and Sean Tossey; grand-nieces and grand-nephews Joshua “Makana” Yamasaki, Micah and Megan Tossey, and Shion and Sakura Yamasaki; and hanai nephew Marvin Choy.
Her funeral will take place at 11 a.m. Oct. 4 at Mary, Star of the Sea Church in Waialae-Kahala. Msgr. Terry Watanabe will be the presider.