Embracing Family
In one of our parenting classes, we had a mom ask what she could do about how angry she gets when her children are disrespectful. She said that her kids know how to press her buttons, and she loses it when they are rude.
When we asked her what “losing it” looked like, she said she would scream at them and usually say, “Don’t you dare speak to me that way ever again. You hear me? I mean it! Go to your room!! NOW!”
We asked what her children did that made her so angry, and she said that they demanded that she fix their snack right then and there, and when she did not do so, they screamed at her.
Pause for a moment. Are you thinking what we were thinking? The child mirrored what they had heard from their mom on other occasions. Sure, they used different words, but they both raised their voices in anger, spoke disrespectfully and made demands on the other.
What’s the solution? We must remember that our kids occasionally do what we say; more frequently, they do what we do. We should be all that we are hoping our children will be!
If we want our children to be respectful, we should treat them and others respectfully. If we want them to be generous and kind, we should also be that way.
It’s hypocritical of us to expect our children to behave one way when we act to the contrary.
This scenario resonates with another question that parents asked us. “What are we supposed to do when our 2-year-old son always has a bad attitude, misbehaves, screams, breaks the rules, and is very aggressive toward their sibling?”
They posed the question to us in front of their children. The parents explained how angelic one child always was and how exasperated they were with the other child who always misbehaves.
Are you thinking what we were thinking? The child was hearing the parents say how bad they always were. So, what did the child do? They met their parents’ expectations: misbehaving and acting out their anger toward the “perfect” sibling. More than likely, this child does not have any diagnosable behavioral problems. If anything, they are quite smart; they listen, observe and do exactly what their parents expect.
Whenever we feel challenged or disappointed by our children’s behavior, let’s look in the mirror and honestly confront ourselves. Are we behaving similarly? Are we criticizing our children in front of them?
Fear not! There are some straightforward remedies for these and other similar predicaments:
- Pray for and with our children every morning and evening.
- Reflect on the fact that typically, when we are tired or upset, we revert to treating our children the way our parents treated us. If there are any changes we wish to make based on how our parents raised us, we need to make conscious decisions about that and have positive behaviors that replace the negative behaviors.
- Live the values that we want to see in our children.
- Speak positively to our children and acknowledge the good we see in them.
- If we need to seek advice from someone, speak with them when we are alone; never do so in front of our children.
- If a correction is needed, let’s say it with love and compassion, and let them learn from their mistake. Every mistake is not a problem; it’s a learning opportunity!
Let’s enjoy every day with our children and realize that more times than not, they are the spitting image of us, in good times and in bad times!
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond!