Commentary
I was sitting at work, eating my lunch alone, when I overheard a line from the next table: “Kids need lots of people who love them.”
At the time I was still far from parenthood, working at Catholic Charities as an intern for the Catholic Campaign for Human Development while I was in graduate school.
But my husband and I were hoping for a baby, trying for a baby and praying for a baby. Every day, my thoughts were consumed with children, even if my life was still far from them.
So, when I heard the social worker at the next table pronounce this truth aloud, my ears perked up.
She was talking about the children she worked with in foster care, many of whom lacked a consistent, healthy adult presence in their lives. When they connected with someone who could fill in where their parents were unable to provide, it brought such balm.
An attentive teacher, a supportive coach, a loving grandparent, a welcoming neighbor, or an encouraging mentor — any of them could change the life of a child. But none could do it alone. Kids need a constellation of caring adults to help them flourish.
For whatever reason — the longings of my own heart during infertility, the clear wisdom of a seasoned professional, or most likely the workings of the Holy Spirit — the words I heard that day in the lunchroom became a refrain that never left me.
I’ve shared them with friends (or spoken them again to myself) a thousand times since.
Kids need lots of people who love them.
This truth brings relief for overworked parents, especially in today’s era of intensive parenting when we’re supposed to be, do and provide everything for our kids. Parents cannot do it all, despite what social media might tell us. What’s more, we were never meant to live this way.
Humans thrive in community, and we need the proverbial village to help us raise a child.
But as a mother, I often have to remind myself that I cannot be the end-all, be-all for my children. I’ll confess that a twinge of jealousy pricks my heart when one of my kids delights in a special activity or relationship with an aunt, uncle, grandparent or sitter. I secretly long to do everything fun and memorable with them myself.
That’s when I remind my all-too-human heart: “Kids need lots of people who love them.”
This wisdom also reminds the Christian community to love the children in our midst. Each one of us is called to be an adult who cares for children, whether or not we raise them.
Loving children might mean praying for the family with the fussy baby behind us at Mass instead of glaring with annoyance. Loving children might mean volunteering to teach faith formation classes long after our own kids have grown.
Loving children might mean smiling at rambunctious toddlers in our pew, inviting children to participate in the parish ministries we lead, or praying for teenagers we see at Mass, trusting that God is working through their lives, too.
Kids need lots of people who love them: at home, at school and at church. If Jesus took a child upon his lap, against his disciples’ protests that kids distracted from their “real work,” are we not called to heed his words and welcome each young one in his name?
May we never forget our calling to love the youngest faces of Christ in our midst.
Laura Kelly Fanucci is an author, speaker and founder of Mothering Spirit, an online gathering place on parenting and spirituality.