Embracing family
St. John Bosco said, “It is not enough to love the young; they must know that they are loved.” This sounds like we are stating the obvious.
Of course, our kids know that we love them, right? Not necessarily! Of course, they know we love them unconditionally, right? Not necessarily!
Hugs, kisses, love and best wishes certainly would communicate our love, as does our providing life’s basics (food, shelter and essentials). However, sometimes, we may not have effectively communicated that we love our children for who they are (children of God and our children) and not because of what they do.
We may agree/disagree or approve/disapprove of their behaviors or decisions, but that should not impact our love for them.
While this may be very clear for us as adults, we may not have effectively communicated that to our children.
I learned this lesson the other day when one of my adult daughters shared that she felt very alone and unloved during a difficult time in her life because she felt I would not love her. While nothing could be further from the truth from my perspective, this is what she felt, and it is her truth.
She was suffering because of my lack of effectively communicating fundamental concepts of unconditional love:
- Loving the person and accepting them as they are (even with mistakes, disappointments or challenges).
- Loving them and wanting their happiness, holiness and well-being without expecting anything in return.
- Loving them with any flaws and imperfections and treating them with compassion and understanding.
- Loving them and accepting them while not tolerating abuse, neglect or harmful behaviors toward themselves or others.
When she shared this, my initial reaction was shock and profound sorrow that she felt alone during a difficult time, that she felt I would not love her. This situation should not be about me or how I feel. This is about my precious daughter, whom I love dearly.
It was hard to hear, but I feel incredibly blessed that she had courage, openness and trust to share this with me. I have reassured her that I have always loved her and always will. I have asked her forgiveness for my lack of effective communication, and have told her that my love for her is unconditional and that nothing she could ever say or do would diminish my love for her.
When our kids grow up and spread their wings to fly, they will not always embrace all of the values and beliefs we have taught them. They need to figure life out on their own.
Hopefully our values and beliefs will sustain them, and if they veer from them, hopefully, one day, they will embrace them with a stronger conviction. If they don’t, they need to know that we still love them as unconditionally as we did the day we knew they were growing within us and the day we were blessed to hold them for the first time.
St. Teresa of Kolkata said, “If you want to bring peace to the whole world, go home and love your family.” Whether our kids are young or have left home, it is never too late to tell them of our unconditional love for them!
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond!
