Embracing family
Have you ever found yourself collapsing on the sofa at the end of a long day once the children finally were tucked in bed? Maybe, just maybe, you’re exhausted because you are doing too much work for your children.
Yes, you read correctly. Perhaps you are helping too much, and your well-intended kindness is backfiring. You are exhausted while your children may feel entitled, refuse to do chores and are quick to talk back.
If your little ones have ever had a major meltdown, this article is for you. If your children can focus on video games rather than homework, this article is for you. If your teens are secretive and non-compliant, this article is for you. If you’re tired of constantly cleaning up and your children aren’t helping, this article is for you!
Are you exhausted from doing the dishes? Laundry? Helping (or even doing) your children’s projects and homework? Fixing lunches for the next day? News flash: those are tasks for your children, not for you. No wonder you find yourself tired. You’re doing your work plus your children’s work, too.
If you find yourself excusing them from carrying their fair share of chores because they are too tired after sports, they may be doing too many activities. Their responsibilities to family and school come first.
Sports could be a great option if they can handle their responsibilities and still have extra time. Often, we reverse this and make sports mandatory and then chores, if time permits. Consider reversing priorities so your children learn at a young age how to prioritize family and work first, then fun (whether that is sports, playdates or a few minutes on the iPad).
Children and teens need to be empowered, not enabled. Parents can do this by giving them healthy control and decision-making opportunities throughout the day. This empowerment will instill a sense of responsibility and boost their confidence.
They must have responsibilities (also known as chores) and be held accountable. When they make mistakes, allow them to work on a solution rather than rescuing them. They can work to earn privileges (such as iPad time) since these are not fundamental human rights.
We are obligated to provide food, shelter, love and support. You won’t find any law saying that your children must have their own electronic devices or even access to them for entertainment purposes. Children should only receive these privileges after respectfully and responsibly completing their daily chores and homework.
The more your children become team players in your home, the more they will take pride in themselves and feel a strong sense of belonging. The whining, the tantrums, the silence and a host of other responses will decrease while respect and responsibility increase.
You are the parent, and you can choose what kind of household you want to raise your children in. The more you do for your children, the less they will do for themselves.
It is time for your children to end the “mama drama” and for you to empower your children to be respectful and responsible members of your family and the larger faith community, school community and civic community.
It’s a win-win: Your children will have greater self-esteem, be more responsible, actively engaged in their lives and be problem-solvers, while you will have more energy and can spend quality time with your family and friends. Your prayers will transform from incessant prayers of intercession, asking for patience and stamina to make it through the day, to prayers of gratitude for the children you are raising to be responsible, faith-filled adults.
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you in prayer and respond.
