THE MARRIED LIFE
There are many ways to fast during Lent. Many involve food and drink, but Pope Francis has some other interesting suggestions:
“Fast from sadness and be filled with gratitude.
Fast from worries and have trust in God.
Fast from anger and be filled with patience.”
One that hit home for me is “Fast from holding a grudge and be reconciled.”
When I was about 12 my parents built an addition onto our house, which had to be accessed by going outside the main house. My three older brothers shared one room and bath and my sister and I shared another room and bath. We didn’t all have keys to the new wing so we generally only locked the doors at night.
However, my sister Joanie would often lock the door during the day, and when I knocked she wouldn’t answer. Peering through the window I could see her sitting on her bed reading as if she couldn’t hear a thing.
“Joanie! Joanie!” I called. “Let me in!” It annoyed me that she pretended not to hear.
Frustrated, I would go get my father. It seems Joanie only listened to him anyway.
“Joanie, open the door for your sister!” dad would say, and Joan would immediately pop up and open the door.
Things like this happened a lot with Joanie.
For example, we were supposed to share the responsibility to clean our bedroom and bathroom. When it was her turn to do the bathroom she would jump up and grab the vacuum instead. Our parents wanted us to work out these disagreements on our own, but discussion rarely worked. What usually happened was Joanie got her way.
I loved my sister, but was increasingly frustrated with her behavior. Finally, one day when I was in high school, I began to read scripture more and pondered on it. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” I realized that I held a grudge against my sister, accumulated over time, and I wasn’t eager to forgive.
I felt that I had been in the right, and she had been in the wrong, so she should be the one to apologize first. However, it also occurred to me that Joanie must not have felt very loved by me, perhaps ignored. By the grace of God, I decided to forgive any grudges I had against her.
Nothing changed with my sister in that moment, but I changed. I became less sensitive about every little infraction. I found humor in many situations which before only aggravated me. My heart softened toward Joanie and over time I grew in compassion for her.
When we were younger, I had been more protective of Joanie, and had included her more. She struggled in school whereas I did not. She may have had undiagnosed dyslexia, which was very frustrating for her. Only later in life did our family realize how smart she really was.
Joanie responded to the changes in me. She became more like her younger self, open and trusting. When kindness was shown to her, she exhibited even greater kindness in return. I am so grateful to the Lord for healing our relationship. Many years later I see the enduring fruit of that forgiveness.
Giving up a grudge for Lent is at least as good as giving up meat!
