EMBRACING FAMILY
It’s that time of year again: report card conferences. Emotions run the gamut. Some parents are excited; some are nervous. Others are anxious because they want their child to make the honor roll.
Honestly, none of these emotions are relevant. Report card conferences are about the CHILDREN, not the parents. This is an appointment on behalf of our children, where we hear how things are going, where they are thriving, and where there may be needed areas of growth.
This should not be emotionally impactful for us as parents because our children need to own the emotional response, since the appointment is about what they did the past nine weeks. Of course, we want to share how proud we are of their efforts, but we need to do so in a way that focuses on them and not us. The “A” or the “F,” or any grade in between, is their grade. Let our children own the emotional response. If we get emotional, the children do not need to step up and assume responsibility. Let them explain the situation and problem-solve, if needed. The lessons they learn in this process will become foundational for their lives, far beyond the academic years. Remind them that the habits formed now are ones that will guide them when they are living on their own.
Let’s take time to process with our children. It’s not about whether the teacher or the parents are pleased or not. What were our children’s goals for the first quarter? Did they achieve them? Celebrate that! What are their struggles? Support them. Ask them what they need to accomplish their goals. Listen. Their solution may be different than ours, but because it is their idea, it may be more effective.
A parent recently told us that her daughter told her she needed a tutor. The mom responded with a chuckle since the child is quite young, and asked, “Do you even know what a tutor is?”
Her daughter replied, “A tutor is someone who helps you learn something that you can’t learn from your teacher because it doesn’t make sense.”
Another parent recently told us that one of her daughter’s high school teachers shared how proud he is of her because she continues to try her best, even on challenging assignments. He admired her grit and dedication. The mom hung up the phone in tears, grateful for her daughter’s determination, and thankful that a teacher took the time to tell her about it. She had one of the most impactful conversations with her daughter that evening.
As the second quarter begins, take time to speak with your children. Ask them what goals they would like to set. Remind them that God has given them gifts and talents, and it is their responsibility to develop them as best they can. Once they have identified goals, ask them how you may best help them achieve the goals. Create a SMART plan (choose goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound). Decorate a copy of the plan and place it in a highly visible spot to remind our children about their goals, and us about supporting them. Sit with them in prayer and ask God’s blessing on their plan and on the new quarter.
Here is feedback from a reader about our column “Maui, our hearts break with yours.” “I’m a working parent with three kids. I love them, but I am exhausted trying to keep up with everything. I appreciated reading that it’s important for me to take care of my own emotional health because then I am role modeling for my children. I have been so busy trying to stay afloat that I have lost sight that I need to be a good role model and take care of myself.”
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you up in prayer and respond as well!
