Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
THE MARRIED LIFE
Who wants to talk about the budget? No thanks! It usually means cutting back on things, like dining out or buying nice gifts.
Conversations about money between spouses, however unwelcome, are a good idea. It allows a couple to decide on priorities, goals and what big expenses, like vacationing, should be a part of their life. Without a budget the important things may never happen. Financial planners can be a big help too, as the future comes quicker than we expect.
Money can be a big issue in marriage, even if couples agree on the more important things such as where to live, education of children, church support, charitable giving and travel. How one approaches money varies widely.
Some people are shoppers. It can be a man or a woman. They love to shop! They may only shop for sales, and they get good deals. However, as my husband says, “If we ‘save’ any more money we’ll go broke!”
Others are clear non-spenders. They don’t even buy clothes for themselves, preferring to wear the same things forever unless their spouse—who tends to like to shop — buys them something new.
The spenders can keep expenses down reasonably for a while, but occasionally they crack and buy something big and unplanned. What a shock for the frugal! It calls for discussion, listening, mercy and reconciliation.
Sometimes a person who grew up poor now likes to acquire things. Or, they become super savers, always prepared for the worst. Conversely, someone who grew up wealthy may have high expectations for how life should be. Recognizing these patterns can help couples understand each other better and help individuals change if necessary.
Ironically, a key ingredient to helping keep finances in their right order is giving money away or almsgiving. Almsgiving shows trust in God, not wealth. It is the antidote to self-sufficiency and materialism.
“Give alms from your possessions. Do not turn your face away from any of the poor, so that God’s face will not be turned away from you. Give in proportion to what you own. If you have great wealth, give alms out of your abundance, if you have little, do not be afraid to give alms even of that little.” (Tobit 4: 7-8)
Almsgiving is a great equalizer. We may think that every penny we earn is ours to keep or spend, but Christians know that all we have comes from God. We are called to share his generosity to us with others. The Lord knew that the widow who put two cents in the basket at church was more generous than the rich man who gave from his surplus wealth. Couples who give to their church, faith-based works, and the poor, according to their means, often find a certain peace in their lives because they trust in the Lord.
Generosity is a gift. Sometimes frugal people are the most generous. They don’t buy much for themselves yet give freely to brothers and sisters in need. On the other hand, the ones who like to spend often give generously too. It’s a matter of the heart.
Stinginess or greed, even on a small scale, can be most annoying. A stingy person nit-picks over expenses in a restaurant and forgets to give a tip. A greedy person never shares, like a child with a pile of Halloween candy who won’t give you even one piece.
Extremes in spending are spiritual problems and can be devastating in a marriage. Some love money too much, more than their life together, more than the needy around them.
Loving money is the root of much evil, whereas loving God is the fruit of much good.
“Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5)
It is always a blessing to see how our Lord does provide for those who are generous with giving and not overly attached to money.
Of course, we all need money to survive. As my husband says, “Money isn’t everything, but it sure does help!” Keeping the right balance and attitudes toward wealth is not always easy, but it is worth the effort.
