THE MARRIED LIFE
Alzheimer’s disease is a malady that affects many families, including mine. It can be devastating. But, as Christians, it provides opportunities for us to love. My mother suffered from Alzheimer’s, as did her mother. But she was still our mother, in need of care and attention, just as she had given her 10 children growing up.
Alzheimer’s can cause one to lose their inhibitions. For most of her life, our mother was shy outside the family. After the disease started affecting her, she became more outgoing. Once reserved with others, she became more childlike and made funny comments. Always a worrier, with Alzheimer’s, she lived in the present moment, not worrying about the future. Many fears were forgotten.
For most of her life our mother had a fear of flying so she had never been to Hawaii. I prayed that one day she would get over her fear of flying because I so wanted her to visit here and to be able to share my life in the islands with her. A few years after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I asked again if she would like to come to Hawaii. The answer this time was, “Yes, I would love to come to Hawaii!”
“But Mom, aren’t you scared to fly?” I asked. “No, I love to fly!” she said. What a switch!
“Truly I am your servant, Lord, I serve you just as my mother did, you have freed me from my chains,” says Psalms 116: 16. Truly I felt that my mother was freed from many chains.
This was my chance. I was able to take a three-month sabbatical from work, and I went to North Carolina to get my mother, who by this time was a widow. She had no trouble with the long flight and seemed to enjoy it.
One problem mom had at that time was she refused to take showers. I knew this ahead of time and planned to take her to a beach every day and then insist she shower to get the sand out of her swimsuit. The plan worked.
Mom had been a lifeguard when she was younger, and she loved going to beaches. Every day we went to Kailua Beach, Ala Moana or Ko Olina. She loved everything about it. She marveled at the windsurfers at Kailua Beach, the “beautiful Hawaiians” (anyone who wasn’t Caucasian) at Ala Moana, and the gentle breezes at Ko Olina. To her, it was like heaven. And she saw whales!
Every day we saw the Koolau Mountains which she called “spooky mountains” when the clouds hung low. On clear days she’d say, “If I was younger, I’d climb those mountains.”
With Alzheimer’s, our mom would tell stories over and over, about a hundred times. One story she told was of a young man she had dated who was a pilot in World War II. He asked her to wear his ring when he went overseas so that someone would remember him. She did. Then one night she had a dream that he was waving from the sea, and the next morning his parents called her to say that his plane had crashed into the English Channel on the way back from a mission. Mom had not forgotten him.
One nice thing about memory loss is that you can enjoy the same things repeatedly as if it was the first time. I don’t know how many times we watched “The Sound of Music,” or sat on the back lanai, just looking at the trees and flowers.
Mom had her feet washed during Holy Week services at our parish. She was there for our 25th wedding anniversary and Mother’s Day. Seeing my mom so happy in Hawaii brought me great joy, and this Mother’s Day I am thankful for the blessed time we had together.
