Photo by Jess Zoerb on Unsplash
EMBRACING FAMILY
We share faith-based parenting advice, based on Love and Logic and the Preventive System of St. John Bosco (Reason, Religion, Loving Kindness). We’d like to share some of these with you.
Autumn is a season of change. Some locations have the changing of the colors of the leaves, which fall and leave a barren landscape. Some have cooler weather and even snow. In Hawaii, we have a five-degree temperature drop, increased clouds and rain.
And we parents have other changes like transitioning through the joys and challenges of a new school year.
And there’s the excitement that comes with the anticipation of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
But what about the changes in our own homes that we do not notice? Like those we choose to ignore as we walk around that metaphorical elephant in our living room?
The amount of change that children undergo in the first 18 years of life is staggering. Think about the changes we see daily after birth: new sounds, new movements. Our children are constantly growing and changing as they become the young men and women God has called them to be. Sometimes their interests, friendships and hobbies change. Their attitudes and perspectives, even their values and beliefs, change. These can be welcome, shocking or saddening.
Where is God calling us to be as parents? We are called to love our children, pray for them, lead them and guide them to the best of our ability. We must recognize God at work in their lives through their changes.
Be careful not to label your children by character traits (i.e., the joker, the soccer player), as this pigeon-holes them, and they may not feel free to grow into the person God calls them to be. Allow them to discover their own gifts and talents rather than imposing the hopes and dreams we have for them. If we have unfulfilled dreams as parents, we shouldn’t force them on our children.
They need to discover who they are as children of God, not simply as our children. Their identity should be independent of ours if they are going to be “good Christians and honest citizens” as St. John Bosco said. However, for them to grow into their own identity, there will be growing pains. Sometimes they will be obedient, and other times they will push boundaries and want more independence. Not all growth is beautiful. It can bring awkward stages, yet a beautiful creation will blossom.
Whether change in our homes is beautiful and inspiring or difficult and painful, let’s welcome it as a chance for growth. God is always at work. When the change we see is beautiful, praise him! When the change we see is painful, praise him and get on our knees and implore his grace, strength, mercy and guidance.
Compassionately challenge our loved ones if there is unhealthy or destructive change. We have a responsibility as parents to reflect God’s goodness and mercy, while also providing clarity on what is good, holy and just. Don’t ignore or condone unhealthy choices. If we ignore problems, we teach our children to avoid problems rather than to face and embrace them. Journey with them so that they will make life-giving choices, not for us, but for themselves and their own future where they can better discern God’s will.
All this change is part of our children’s life story. Whether experiences are positive or negative, with our guidance and God’s help, those experiences can ultimately bring new life and growth. We are simply the instruments God chose to raise his children. Let’s trust that our children are in his hands because “We know that all things work for good for those who love God.” (Romans 8:28)
What can we do about all this change happening in our home whether we are ready or not? St. Ignatius of Loyola tells us to act as if everything depends on us, and pray knowing everything depends on God.
Here is feedback from a dad in response to the Q&A from “I have a love-hate relationship … with chores!”
“Doing chores, I mean family contributions, as a team has actually been fun. My kids are choosing music, teasing each other, and we’re laughing as we do the chores together rather than what used to always happen. (I would scream at them on Saturdays to put their video games down and get their chores done!) I’m happy that they are having fun and laughing. The kids are happy because I’m not yelling at them. My wife is happy because the house is clean. It’s a win-win for all of us.”
Questions? Email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you up in prayer and respond, as well!
