EMBRACING FAMILY
Have you ever found yourself in a conflicted relationship with chores? Some of us view them as a necessary evil and “tolerate” them, doing only what is necessary. Others find doing chores cathartic, enjoying them, and experiencing a sense of calm and satisfaction upon completion. Most of us fall somewhere in between these two extremes. For many, the feelings surrounding chores may fluctuate based on our schedule, our other responsibilities, or our emotional capacity that day.
If our relationship with chores is a complicated one, then we can anticipate that our children will be very emotional and inconsistent regarding their own chores. So how might we approach chores differently with our children? Model positivity about the chores that need to be done. Model honesty if we encounter struggles. Do not wait to do chores until the kids are not around, as we are then depriving them of a learning opportunity.
How can we reframe chores and not have a conflicted and complicated love-hate relationship with them?
As a family, compile a list of family contributions (formerly known as chores) for the day, week and month.
Allow each child to select tasks, appropriate to their age and situation. Even the little ones select tasks because this gives them a sense of belonging.
Ensure that the tasks are not gender “stereotypical.” Each child, regardless of gender, should have a chance to cook, clean, do yard work, clean the cars, etc.
Allow the children to take turns selecting tasks (younger ones get simpler tasks). The parents subdivide the remaining chores.
Resist the temptation to redo or “fix” the chores the children did! Provided they did their best, let it be, and thank them for what they did. If we redo chores, children will learn that they can never be good enough for us, and soon they will stop doing the chores or they will do them begrudgingly.
There are no heroes, victims or martyrs. Only team players!
Family contributions must be accomplished before privileges. (Example: Before play time, technology time or sports practice.
Model positivity. Let our children see us doing our family contributions with a good attitude!
Model honesty. Let our children see the challenges we encounter and how we positively handle them.
If our children are working hard consistently, offer to lend a hand periodically. However, when lending a hand, never work harder than the child and only assist periodically so that our assistance does not become an expectation of the child.
Soon enough, our children will see us doing chores, and they, too, will periodically offer to assist!
Family contributions are an opportunity to work together as a team, for each person to feel a sense of belonging, of feeling needed and appreciated. It also teaches teamwork, accountability, grit, responsibility, time management and delayed gratification. These are all life skills that our children will need to be successful, regardless of the career they choose.
It is time to bid farewell to that love-hate relationship we have with chores. No more heroes, victims or martyrs. Welcome to the (Our Family Name) Team! Put on some music and have some fun together. Celebrate a job well done.
Here is some feedback from a local mom in response to the Q&A from “Live simply. Love deeply. Work enthusiastically. Happy new (school) year!”:
“The kids and I set up a ‘shop’ at home with all the supplies that we had. After ‘shopping’ at home, we went to the store and only bought what was still missing. Meanwhile, we had a separate bag at the store that we filled with school supplies for children who are in need. They got the new supplies and our children shopped from the ones we had at home. We learned from this and had several good conversations at dinner about it — and we had fun in the process.”
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you up in prayer and respond, as well.
