By Sarah and David Herrmann
Special to the Herald
Many parents ask us questions, and we share faith-based parenting advice, based on Love and Logic © and the Preventive System of St. John Bosco (Reason, Religion, Loving Kindness). We’d like to share some of these with you.
{You might want to read this before you go shopping for Valentine’s Day!}
How many times has someone told us (or, if we are honest, how many times have we said to someone else), “Well, I went through something similar and I’m ok. You’ll be fine!”?
When we heard this, our ears probably felt as if they were burning, and our throat may have started tightening. Whether we uttered the words verbally or not, our inner voice likely was yelling, “This isn’t about YOU. I am suffering, and I wish you could see that!”
It’s easy for us to say “I love you” or to buy flowers, chocolate, candy or stuffed animals. It’s much more challenging for us to listen to someone lovingly and patiently, listening to their joys and their sorrows, without providing solutions—unless they’ve asked us to do so. Sometimes they cannot even share because the suffering is too deep, or they are not ready to share. We’re still called to be there and hold them lovingly in our hearts, in our prayers, and in our hugs, if appropriate.
Saying “I love you” and giving gifts can certainly be one means of showing we care; but oftentimes, that’s the easiest and maybe not the most meaningful way. Being there for someone—giving them our time, our undivided attention, our wholehearted support, our love, our prayers—is neither quick nor easy, but it demonstrates the love that Christ showed us. This is compassion.
“Compassion,” which is a Latin derivative of “com-pati”—means “to suffer with.” If we truly love someone, we will be willing to passionately love them in good times and in bad. We will love them with compassion, listening to them and trying to understand their struggles from their perspective, not ours. In “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee, Atticus Finch said to Scout, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
Before running to the store to buy a card, a box of chocolate, or a stuffed animal, let’s stop and ask ourselves: how can we demonstrate compassion for this person? Maybe we could take some time and discover their Love Language (read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”). After truly being there for them and with them, then the card or the small gift may carry far greater meaning!
Feedback from a Hawaii Catholic Herald reader in response to our column, “Thank You, God, for 5 ½ Things!”
“The title was very clever, and it made me stop and actually read the article because I wanted to know what the ½ was! I plan on committing to making more time enjoying life and making the best of the gift of each day that God blesses me with.”
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com. We would be honored to lift you up in prayer and respond, as well!
