Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash
EMBRACING FAMILY
Throughout the year, many parents ask us questions, and we share faith-based parenting advice based on Love and Logic© and the Preventive System of St. John Bosco (Reason, Religion, Loving Kindness). We’d like to share one of these with you.
Q: I am an exhausted mom. I can never keep up with school, homework, music lessons, sports, play dates, not to mention my spouse and job. Will it ever get easier, preferably before they turn 18 and leave home?
A: Yes, it will get easier — when we change our mindset.
Why are we driving ourselves crazy scheduling endless activities? Because of other kids? Because we think this will help our kids be “successful” in life?
Focusing on “success” (which we define as honor roll, sports teams, popularity) puts undue adult stress on our children. No wonder one of the reasons many kids dislike school is dreading homework and tests! Many kids feel like “good is not good enough” for their parents.
Regardless of income and opportunities, people throughout history have been successful. Maybe it’s time we redefine success and let our children be children.
Let’s replace some expensive
activities with yard play. Let’s replace some electronics with time to build or create using something as simple as a cardboard box. Let’s encourage them to enjoy learning rather than asking what they missed on a test.
Solution? Slow down the “merry-go-round” of life’s activities and foster creativity, laughter, simplicity, family time. Sit down for family meals, play board games, laugh, and pray together.
We unknowingly might be robbing our kids of a joyful childhood replacing it with the adult stress of what we think is needed for them to be “successful.”
Quality time together is more meaningful than being a stressed chauffeur. Our children will still participate in activities and cultivate their natural talents. However, let’s ensure it is not an obsession on our end.
As an educator of over 30 years, some of my most successful students have not always been the smartest, wealthiest, or most talented.
Instead, they have been young people who learned how to play well, share, be respectful and responsible, work hard, help others, be happy regardless of possessions, be self-sufficient by mastering basic life skills while living at home (cooking, cleaning, laundry, problem solving, communication skills, time management, having a job, managing finances).
They were responsible for themselves, and their parents didn’t try to fix everything for them or make things easier for them. They were empowered to solve most of their own problems.
They volunteered, not for service hours, but because they wanted to do so. They realized they were in charge of their own happiness and self-efficacy, and it would come, not from accolades, promotions, money, or accomplishments, but from living life as a gift from God, praying, appreciating those around them, and putting Jesus and others before themselves.
So, congratulations! It’s time to de-stress and allow our children to be children, as we guide them to learn the lessons in life that matter most, the ones to which we will all be held accountable: loving God, serving him in others, and being good stewards of his creation.
Here is feedback from a Hawaii Catholic Herald reader on the recent column, “Transforming the battle of chores”:
“This article was a game-changer. As a family, we brainstormed a list of chores and each kid picked three. My husband and I took everything that was left. They picked the deadline. For the first time in years (literally!), I gave no reminders or ultimatums. Our kids did their chores, mostly without complaining. I thanked them and did not give in to the temptation to “fix” anything. They were happy and proud, and we were THRILLED!”
Questions? Please email Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com and we would be honored to lift you up in prayer, and respond as well.
