THE MARRIED LIFE
A marriage is not created in a vacuum. Individuals grow up in a family; families are part of a larger community; and in a Christian marriage, Christ is at the center of it all.
In today’s society, however, Christian marriage and family life are under attack. We can all see signs of it, even in our own extended families. It causes a lot of suffering, especially for children. It is not too late, though, to go against the tides of the culture that surround us.
Family reunions can remind us of where we come from, where we are now, and where we are headed. Recently, Tom and I went to a Duddy reunion in upstate New York, followed by meeting some of my sisters and their spouses in Chicago. It was a blessing to re-connect with family again after a long lapse due to the pandemic.
The extended Duddy family in upstate New York. (Photo courtesy Tom Duddy)
Tom’s family is talkative and exuberant, except Tom, who is quiet, much like his father had been when he was alive. All of Tom’s family members are kind.
“Holiness grows fast where there is kindness. I have never heard of kind souls going astray. The world is lost for want of sweetness and kindness,” St. Teresa of Kolkata said.
The Duddys love to share big meals and there is no lack of good cooks and food. During the day they are out and about, busy with activities, and they play games together at night. I can see where Tom’s gift for celebrating comes from.
With my sisters in Chicago, we did a lot of walking and talking. One of my sisters has Alzheimer’s, and she lit up with happiness when we reminisced about our childhood, a time she can still remember well. One time a woman stopped us as we laughed over one such story and said, “You all look so happy!” I realized how much our family likes to laugh.
Photo courtesy Tom Duddy
While in Chicago we planned a day trip to what used to be our grandparents’ home on Lake Michigan where we spent many of our summers. Tom had never been there; neither had my brother-in-law, though both my sister and I wanted to share this part of family history with them.
Fortunately, the original home was still there. In some ways, it looked the same, a white stone exterior with green and white awnings. In other ways it was different. The new owners had built a pool in the yard along with a pool house, which made the house seem smaller. The biggest surprise was that there was no longer any beach. Where my siblings and I used to spend hours playing in the sand on the shores of Lake Michigan, the water comes right up to the property now, and rocks and sandbags have been placed there to prevent further erosion.
Having never spent time at the lake house, it seemed a little anticlimactic to Tom. But for my sister and I, the memories flooded back instantly. How wonderful to share this special place with our spouses. Our past remains such a big part of who we are.
Tom and I were both blessed to grow up in Catholic homes, where faith in God, siblings and loving parents and grandparents were a normal part of life. I would like this to pass on to the next generations.
It all starts with Christian marriage. God’s plan for marriage involves a commitment, as long as both shall live, between a husband and a wife, based on mutual love and respect, with an openness to children. This is possible because of faith in God who is always for us and with us.
After all, Jesus’ first miracle took place at a wedding.
