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EMBRACING FAMILY
Dear readers,
We’re trying out a new question-and-answer column format. Parents ask us questions all year-round, and we share faith-based parenting advice, based on Love and Logic and the preventive system of St. John Bosco (reason, religion, loving kindness). Since these questions apply to many others, we’d like to anonymously share some of them with you.
Q: How can I get my kids to do chores? I’ve tried to bribe them. I’ve even tried to pay them. They flat out refuse to do them.
A: First, take a deep breath!
Ask yourself: Why do I want my kids to do chores?
It helps give them a sense of belonging, responsibility, ownership, pride, accomplishment, and it teaches them how to be a team player.
Make a list of daily and weekly family contributions (a more positive word for chores).
Ask family members to choose from the list. This allows them to take ownership and be a part of the decision making.
Give a deadline. This teaches time management and prioritization.
Ensure that they are aware of the consequences if the deadline is missed. This shows that choices have consequences.
This is a hard one: Resist the temptation to remind them! They’ll learn self-motivation if you don’t.
When the deadline comes, if their work is acceptable, thank them, and give them that affirmation that they made a difference. But resist pointing out imperfections or redoing the work to meet your standard of cleanliness.
If the work is not done or truly unacceptable, lovingly let them know. Show empathy, which creates responsibility, whereas anger creates resentment and frustration. Hug them and say a prayer for them.
Allow the consequences to happen. These should be logical, provided with love and stated in only a few words. They should be enforceable and once they are over, they’re over. An example of this might be presenting an hourly rate that your child owes you for the cleaning work that wasn’t done.
Be empathetic and hold to the consequences even if they cry or are apologetic. Why? Our parenting should reflect real-life situations as much as possible. In life, even if we are apologetic, we still have the consequences: parking ticket, water-damaged cell phone, etc. Starting with your children now shows them they need to accept consequences and find a solution.
Thank each family member personally for their contributions and enjoy time together!
Each day and week you do this, the process will get easier! You will have a more positive relationship with your children, free from nagging.
Congratulations on helping prepare your kids to enter society with responsibility, ownership, pride, accomplishment, and a team player mentality! There will be a positive ripple effect for generations, coming from what appeared to be such a mundane reality: chores!
Here is some feedback from a Hawaii Catholic Herald reader on our previous column, “What do you mean Mother’s/Father’s Day isn’t about ME?!”
“Your column is a lovely reminder (to all of us) … Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my mother and father, and my grandparents, etc. They are in me, with me, always ready to listen, as they were when they were alive. Fond memories, happy, comical, sad, you name it. For those who still have their parents and grandparents alive, do not let a chance go by without confirming your love for them.”
If you have questions you would like addressed in “Embracing Family,” please email them to Sarah and David at Success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com and we would be honored to lift you up in prayer and respond, as well. If desired, you may remain anonymous.
