Jim and Amanda Brady, parishioners at St. Stanislaus Parish in Lansdale, Pa., shown in an Oct. 17, 2019 photo, rely on faith and on each other to sustain them in their often challenging work. (CNS photo/Gina Christian, catholicphilly.com)
THE MARRIED LIFE
Mother (Saint) Teresa tells a sweet story about her mother:
“I cannot forget my mother. She was usually busy all day long. But when sunset drew near, it was her custom to hurry with her tasks in order to be ready to receive my father. At the time we did not understand, and we would smile and even joke a little about it. Today I cannot help but call to mind the great delicacy of love that she had for him. No matter what happened, she was always prepared, with a smile on her lips, to welcome him.”
I remember when my husband Tom first got out of the Navy. After years of periodic overnight duties, deployments and unexpected absences he had in the service, having a civilian job brought him home more regularly in the evenings. One of my greatest pleasures was to greet him at the bus stop when he came home from work each day.
The children and I would prepare excitedly for Tom coming home. First, we would have “general cleanup,” which meant the time when they picked up their toys and we straightened up the living room. Then we would walk to the bus stop, me with the baby in my arms. Having Tom come home each day was not something we took for granted.
Tom for his part had just started a new, demanding job that had a steep learning curve. He had a lot on his mind, but each day he put those thoughts and concerns temporarily aside to be present to his family. He said he read a story once of a man who used to touch a small tree in his yard each day as he walked up to his front door. Touching the tree symbolized leaving the burdens and distractions of his workday outside so that he could focus on his family. This is what Tom tried to do.
Now with children grown and my recent retirement, I still look forward to when Tom comes home from work. After attending a Marriage in Christ seminar in our parish we decided that we would greet each other with a hug when we reunited each day, and it is a habit that we have been able to continue. This small gesture means a lot to us.
Over time, however, good habits can fade if we let them. For me, it is easy to put my needs first and immediately overwhelm Tom with all the events of the day. For Tom, those initial conversations can be viewed as a task, not a heartfelt conversation. We both have to make a conscious decision to put our own needs aside and welcome and connect after a day apart. It is worth the effort.
For dual-retiree spouses, it is often the morning routine that counts the most. Greeting one another in the morning, having coffee or tea together, reading the morning paper, talking about the day, praying together, these things give rhythm to life.
Sometimes it is the small things that make a big difference. Nobody wants to come home to or wake up to a grumpy spouse or be ignored while the other checks their messages on their phone. Being present to one another and giving a hug at the sunrise and sunset of each day can make all the difference.
Other things can wait, at least for a few minutes.
