THE MARRIED LIFE
In marriage, each spouse’s unique personality and temperament contributes to the richness of the relationship, but these differences can also be a source of irritation. In our house, arriving at an event “on time” means arriving early to my husband; not so to me.
The pandemic can highlight these natural differences between spouses, as the social and recreational restrictions affect each person differently. Those who are more active or social may struggle more than those who enjoy quiet time or can self-occupy. Communication and understanding during such times is key to keeping a couple in unity.
My husband Tom is a person who likes to be out and about, busy, outdoors, always doing something. I am more of a homebody and like to spend time with a small group of family and friends. We have to listen to each other so we don’t just go our separate ways. Love means accommodating one another’s needs, not just our own.
Last Christmas Tom purchased four private dance lessons for us, which had a one-year expiration date. We didn’t use them right away, and then the pandemic came. Delays. Delays. Finally, the dance studio was allowed to reopen. Tom wanted to immediately schedule the lessons right away. I was hesitant but agreed.
My preference would have been to delay the lessons again because of the pandemic, but then the year would go by and they never would have happened. Instead, in listening to Tom, I could see that the time was now. There was very little risk involved, and much to be gained.
So off we went to our dance lessons: the foxtrot: walk, walk, step to the side and the waltz: walk in a box, one, two, three four. Simple, but complicated.
The dance room reminded me of ballet lessons as a child, with wooden floors and a mirrored wall. And the music made me want to dance. Far are we from sailing across the room in ballroom dance, like in a Jane Austen novel. But it is fun to try and take one step at a time. Literally. Mostly it is fun spending time together doing something new in this difficult COVID-19 time.
Listening to Tom’s needs wound up blessing us both. What is important to one person in a marriage is ultimately important for both as a couple.
Don’t put off listening to one another. The time is now.
“There is an appointed time for everything, … a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4)
Mary Duddy retired this summer from her job as moderator of the tribunal of the Diocese of Honolulu. She and her husband Tom have three kids and six grandkids.