By Sarah and David Herrmann
Special to the Herald
OK, Catholic parents, do any of these describe you?
- You feel like you need to be a perfect Catholic parent.
- You’re constantly on guard to protect your children from difficult experiences.
- You’re tired of nagging your kids to do their chores.
- You miss the fun of being a parent.
- Your morning routine is anything but routine. It’s painful chaos!
- You really love your children, but you’re just exhausted!
If any of these sound familiar, you might be interested in joining some Faith-Based Love and Logic parenting workshops being offered throughout the diocese. The workshops offer the “Preventive System of St. John Bosco: Reason, Religion, and Loving Kindness,” a philosophy the saint used to prevent problems rather than relying on a punitive approach. His goal was to help kids become “good Christians and honest citizens.” Our workshops blend the Preventive System of St. John Bosco and Parenting the Love and Logic Way.
Last year we received a With Grateful Hearts Grant from the Diocese of Honolulu to provide small-group parenting workshops in six sessions. These workshops provide tools and techniques to help parents rediscover their own faith, and get on the “same page” with each other (a spouse, a grandparent, an auntie or uncle) while teaching kids responsibility and the natural consequences of their actions.
Generally, by our second or third session, parents begin to describe how the tension level in their home — especially getting ready for school, dinnertime and bedtime — has drastically decreased.
One of the simple tools we give parents is how to counter frustration with a simple “no-brainer, one-liner,” resulting in a decrease of kids whining, complaining and seeking attention. Parents enjoy having no emotional drain from the experience, because they are not involved in any drama.
This technique of replying with a “no-brainer, one liner” helps parents remain calm and free of heated debates. It allows them to remain strong, loving, authority figures. If parents remain calm, kids learn to respond in a similar manner. This is the first step in teaching kids how to handle their own problems. Our goal as parents is not to raise children, but to raise caring, empowered, faith-filled, problem-solving adults.
Another frequent comment we receive, especially from parents of older children, is “Where was this information when we were younger?” Jim Fay, the co-founder of The Love and Logic Institute, said: “Wise parents take simple actions early on, so they can avoid having to take very painful ones later.”
Love and Logic can be implemented at any age. However, it takes more time and effort when the child is older, especially after strong negative patterns and habits have been formed. There is no time like the present to be open to change.
One of the most beautiful and unanticipated impacts of Faith-Based Love and Logic is that parents start to communicate and their marital relationship benefits from them being on the same page. When a couple gets married, they bring their personal histories with them. It’s perfectly normal to revert back to what is familiar if no effort is made to choose something different and to make a commitment to change.
Implementing a mutually agreed upon parenting method provides greater consistency for the children, while bringing couples closer together. It strengthens and unites the family by living the Golden Rule and transforming their home into the domestic church.
We are definitely blessed by the With Grateful Hearts grant to help introduce this to the diocese, and we look forward to continuing our ministry for many years to come.
Sarah and David Herrmann are the owners and presenters of Embrace Family Learning LLC. For more information about their Faith-Based Love and Logic parenting workshops, contact them at www.EmbraceFamilyLearning.com, success@EmbraceFamilyLearning.com, 783-4673 (David) or 783-9298 (Sarah).
