Tom and Mary Duddy, newlyweds. (Photo courtesy of Mary Duddy)
THE MARRIED LIFE
The first time I met my husband Tom was at a Cursillo closing Mass. He was playing the accordion and seemed so joyful I remember thinking, “Now that’s the kind of man I’d like to marry!” Little did I know that thought would come true.
But we didn’t meet again for six months.
I was in my early 20s and had clearly discerned that I wanted to get married. I had been out of college for a couple years and was working at a small newspaper in rural North Carolina called The Spring Hope Enterprise. The newspaper covered three farming communities, Spring Hope, Baily and Middlesex, each having about 1,500 residents.
My best friend since high school, who was a “born again” Baptist, was newly married and knew I wanted to get married too. She suggested I write a list of the qualities that were important to me for a future husband, and pray for that, which I did.
On the top of my list was that I wanted to meet a Catholic man who was also involved in the charismatic renewal. I had been “baptized in the Holy Spirit” when I was a freshman in college and I wanted to meet someone who had experienced this as well. Other items on the list were things like, “kind, sense of humor, good with children, a good listener,” etc.
The Duddys on their wedding day. Photo Courtesy Tom and Mary Duddy
You have to understand that at that time the Catholic population in North Carolina was less than 2%, and the number of charismatic Catholics even fewer. In Spring Hope alone there were only 10 Catholics and I don’t think any of them were single. Spring Hope was a very small town.
I had to travel 30 miles to the nearest Catholic church over in Rocky Mount to attend Mass. After a year of living in Spring Hope, I got an apartment with a friend in Rocky Mount.
Having majored in journalism in college, my dream job was to work at the North Carolina Catholic, the Catholic diocesan newspaper in the “big city” of Raleigh. My father said I should send the editor my resume and say I was interested in working there, which I did.
After one particularly hard day at work, I came home discouraged about my prospects in life. I went into my bedroom and discovered that the bookshelves I had hung on the wall — and not nailed in properly — and all the books on them had fallen on the floor.
That was the last straw. I fell on my bed and started to cry. I really sobbed. I remember calling out, “Lord, why did you abandon me?”
As I said this, I suddenly felt a great peace come over me, and I stopped crying. I knew in my heart everything was going to be all right. I stood up.
Just then the phone rang. It was a priest, the editor of the Raleigh Catholic newspaper. He said, “I don’t know why, but I think the Holy Spirit wants me to hire you. I don’t actually have a job opening, but are you willing to come?” You bet I was!
After that I called my mom and told her how distressed I had been and how the phone call gave me hope. It was a Friday, and I was getting ready to go on a Catholic young adult ski trip that weekend sponsored by the diocese. I went on the weekend, which Tom was on too. This time we had more opportunity to get acquainted. We even got snowed in for an extra day.
Tom and I started talking and realized that we had met before at the Cursillo weekend. I was also happy to learn that Tom was “baptized in the Holy Spirit” at a young age and very active in the charismatic renewal. He really loved the Lord.
I called my mother the day after returning from the ski trip, and she said I sounded different. Happy. She said, “It must be because of that guy you met.”
Not long after that weekend Tom and I began dating. Exactly one year after our first date, we got married.
I am often surprised by how the Holy Spirit hears my cries for help and answers me quickly in ways I don’t expect. I had almost given up when I met Tom, and now we have been married for 40 years. It helps me to remember how it all began.
Mary Duddy works for the Diocese of Honolulu’s office of the Tribunal and Canonical Affairs as moderator of the tribunal and as a notary public. If you have any suggestions for topics you would like Mary to write about, contact her at mary_duddy@rcchawaii.org.
