Protesters carry signs and an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe outside a Planned Parenthood clinic in Vista, Calif., Aug. 3. Boston Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley, head of the U.S. bishops’ pro-life committee, urged U.S. senators to take the federal money that goes to the Planned Parenthood Federation of America and fund women’s health care providers that do not promote abortion. (CNS photo/Mike Blake, Reuters)
When I first heard about the content of the videos about Planned Parenthood selling baby parts my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. I was horrified at the thoughts and all the wounds of my past abortion surfaced at once. I wanted to run and hide. I couldn’t face the videos. But through God’s grace and inspiration from Immaculate Heart Radio I knew I had to face them, view them, and understand what was happening.
The interviews and images were gut-wrenching. I was immediately sick to my stomach on the verge of throwing up. The feeling hung with me and I couldn’t shake the horror. I prayed that nothing like that happened to my precious lost soul. I prayed to my child in heaven, pleading once again for forgiveness. I prayed that all those impacted by abortion would find the strength to endure this challenging horror.
In all reality, if I hadn’t attended Rachel’s Vineyard (a post-abortion reconciliation retreat) this past May, I don’t think I could have survived this news and go forward, even if going forward meant no longer putting on mascara as I found myself crying many times throughout the day. I found strength in realizing God’s timing is perfect and he extended his healing grace to me prior to this devastating news.
However, even with his grace I have felt an increase in irritability and annoyance that no one who knows my story has reached out to me to lend support, to ask how I am, to give me a hug. No one around me is talking about these disturbing videos and I wonder how that is possible. The silence is deafening and I can’t remove the horror of babies being ripped apart and sold piece by piece. It scares me that this is okay in this time and age. I am devastated but strong.
But I also know not everyone is as lucky as I am. There are women hurting and I am certain many do not know where to go for help, don’t forgive themselves, and need our help and prayers. I pray for them daily, have started prayer circles, and have broken my silence and am taking a more active pro-life role. I refuse to be silent anymore.
Erica is a Hawaii resident. Her last name has been withheld by request. For information about Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries, contact Lisa Shorba at 349-5071, or rvinhawaii@gmail.com. Retreats are open to women and men. The next retreat is scheduled for October 16-18. Registrations are confidential. More information may be found at www.rachelsvineyard.org. Rachel’s Vineyard and Project Rachel are ministries of the Diocese of Honolulu’s Respect Life Office. Both provide advocacy to women and men as resources for healing after abortion.
