Rediscovering faith, discovering purpose
God works in so many ways. I see him in everything. Without a personal relationship with God, to whom could I run? Of course, God sends people to help me. However, when I wrestle with him like Jacob, sometimes he wins, and sometimes I do. I complain of course, but I also surrender. There is no way but God’s way. He is trustworthy and has never given up on me, so I just keep trying. As in the psalm of David, I know: “O Lord, you have probed me, you know me…” (Psalm 139)
I have not always been so faith-filled. I really needed to discover my faith. For many years, I was not a practicing Catholic. I was raised Catholic, but there were times when I didn’t understand things. I had catechesis in grade school, but not really a religious background. In college I joined born-again groups. There was one group, however, that started attacking the Catholic faith. I realized then that I was being hurt too. I felt I needed to go back to the Catholic Church.
But, how was I to? Eventually, I joined the church choir as my entrance back into the faith. During that period I asked myself what was my life’s purpose? What was God’s will for me? Things began to happen and God put things in the right place which led me to the grace of religious life.
That’s not to say that I learned everything then. No, I still had so many questions that were unanswered. I didn’t even know how to pray, or how to say the rosary (which I tried to memorize before I entered the convent). Nonetheless, God slowly revealed himself to me in the Catholic Church and in the classes of my religious formation. Of course, there were times when I wanted to give up. But God is so faithful and true, and from all those experiences I realized that there is no other life than this for me.
Prayer and my personal relationship with God are very important. As a religious Sister, we have our regular “horarium” – the schedule of prayer and religious observances that we daily follow. In addition to this, I find the prayer of presence, being always present to the Lord, important. Even in the midst of busyness, it is important to take time to be present with God.
For college students and anyone seeking to know who you really are in the light of your faith, I advise you to take time to reflect on your life and see where God has been with you. Try journal writing. It is a life-forming exercise where you can see how God works, where God is, and find yourself more deeply understanding that God is with you. Recall the earliest memories and you will see that God was there even in your confusion and doubts. Of course there are still obscure things, but he said to trust.
I continue to be a learner; God is my master. By allowing God to use me, I am kept humble. By becoming more dependent on God, surrendering with a poverty of spirit, I keep growing in my faith toward fulfilling my purpose and mission in life.
Sister Fidelia Villa is a Sister of St. Paul of Chartres of the Philippine Province. She is a teacher at St. Joseph School, Waipahu. She is seven years perpetually professed and resides with her community in Royal Kunia.
