Jessika Garcia graduated this month from Chaminade University of Honolulu with a degree in mass media. Below is an entry on her personal blog titled, “Who Am I? Life as a Catholic Young Adult” which she posted April 8.
As a 21-year-old Catholic, my favorite line from my classmates is, “Wow! You’re so holy because you go to church (every Sunday)!”
To be honest, I am flattered by my classmates’ observations, but they give me too much credit. Just because church is in my life doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with daily temptations and sin. I struggle just as much as anyone else. But this post isn’t for you to feel sorry for me. Instead, I want to take you on a journey through my (Catholic) life.
I was baptized as a baby. For my first Holy Communion, I dressed up as a bride in my pretty white dress and stockings. I had a veil my mom personally made for me. I wish I could show you a picture because I was pretty darn cute that day.
I attended a Protestant high school. Protestants are extremely cool! They got me to be very involved with church and with service outside of church. I was a lector and in the choir and during my senior year was asked to be the student chaplain. At the time, I believed this was how my life should be; everything was perfect like God had planned it.
I wasn’t interested in receiving Communion. I wanted to be Protestant forever. But I still felt empty. I vividly remember having a heated conversation with my mom about not wanting to pray the rosary.
Empty. It’s a negative word that can also be looked at positively. When we are empty, we are open for God to fill us and make us whole.
I was empty and lost. The one thing I yearned for more than ever was that relationship with Christ.
When I went to college, I found myself at the campus ministry office inquiring about its RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) program. If I followed through with this course, I would be confirmed as an adult at the 2010 Easter Vigil. I didn’t understand why I wanted this so bad.
I continued to go to Catholic Mass as well as New Hope teen ministries like FUSE (I LOVED FUSE!). Although I felt at peace with the Holy Spirit at the New Hope gatherings, I was confusing what I learned there with what I was learning at RCIA. I stopped attending New Hope and stuck to what I needed to do: get confirmed. By the time Confirmation came around, I was on fire for the Lord.
Before Holy Week, I was chosen to attend the Chrism Mass at the Co-Cathedral of St. Theresa. During the Mass, I was overcome with a fever and massive migraine that had come on the night before. Bishop Larry Silva was our presider and I found myself in his Communion line.
“The body of Christ,” he said. “Amen,” I replied, and returned to my pew and knelt down to pray. When I got up, my headache was gone and so was the feverish chill. I will always remember that encounter with the Body of Christ because it really was the Body of Christ.
I will also remember the rush of relief that came over me while being anointed for Confirmation. I was definitely glowing all over. I no longer felt empty.
Okay, so I was confirmed … what does that mean?
Well, it doesn’t mean that everything in my life went happily ever after, that I was holy forever, and sinless. Confirmation gave me the opportunity to serve in the church and evangelize during retreat. It opened me up and also closed me down. It gave me opportunity to learn and realize that I am forgiven and that I shouldn’t dwell on the past. Instead, I should look to the future and continue to serve others with the heart of the Lord seeping through every pore of my body (I know that sounds gross, but I’m trying to be dramatic.)
Confirmation renewed my heart and set it so on fire for the Lord that when my fire does die down, I know it will be time to help someone new, somewhere else. I want to serve others without even thinking about being served in return. When life gets too busy and I’m ready to pull every single strand of hair out of my head, I remember that Christ is on my side.
I am by no means perfect. I am just a sinner that has been forgiven 2,000 years ago by a God that sent His Son to die on the cross for my sins.
